Melodies For Us
by Written Parody
Summary: A whole dump of Zutara song fics/ fics based on songs/ fics inspired by songs. Mostly just for muse purposes. Warning: there is probably going to be plotless/stupid/horrible writing in here. Read at own risk.
1. In Between

**A.N: **The first of hopefully quite a few Zutara oneshots. This one is written for DefyGravity2502. Happy Birthday, dearie, and thanks for all your support over the past few months or so. Hope you enjoy this one: it's kinda cliché and whatnot but… Yeah. And it's definitely not my best work. I don't really know if I like it or not… It's too… I dunno… But anyway. You apparently like the song =)

Reviews, concrit and even flames will be loved

**Disclaimers: **Avatar: The Last Airbender belongs to Bryke and Nickelodion.

"In Between" belongs to Linkin Park

This story belongs to DefyGravity

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**In Between**

The smell of tea wafted over all of them as they lounged on comfortable chairs and had carefree, easy conversation with one another. Beyond the patio where they sat the life of the Upper Tier of Ba Sing Se continued, utterly undisturbed by their presence. Katara lay over the railing with her head on her folded arms, watching the people as they passed and amused herself with their strange fashions and stranger expressions. She felt utterly happy and tranquil inside for the first time in months. The world was finally in true peace- the nations had forgiven each other and the rebuilding of what had been destroyed was well underway. The worry lines had finally left Aang's face and his eyes smiled once again as they used to. He'd been under the most stress out of almost all of them, and it had started to show quite alarmingly. Luckily Toph took over the comforter role and quickly straightened out his deepening depression that things would never truly be right. The two had grown very, very close in the past seven months, so much so that she doubted she'd be the one getting a kiss from the Avatar this time around in the pretty city.

The knowledge brought with it no bitterness: it was just the way life worked. Sometimes you won, and other times the world took things away from you and you lost. She was just a little sad that she hadn't seen it coming: maybe she could have saved the situation. But she'd learned not to live with regrets and so she never let herself dwell on the 'what if's. She was happy for them, and was going to make sure they knew it. Likewise, she was also happy for her brother and Suki. She had never seen Sokka as nervous as he'd been the day he'd introduced Suki to his grandmother, and his relief at her approval had been very comical. The two hadn't spent more than a week apart and an engagement was inevitable. Even though they bickered almost constantly, everybody could tell by the way that they looked at each other that they were for real…

Everything was finally falling together, and that made the stress and guilt and disappointment seep out of her as she shut her eyes and let herself be carried away by the city's sounds.

"Has anybody seen Zuko?"

Katara straightened up and turned to find that Iroh's face was furrowed in worry. Everybody else shook their heads no, and tried to remember where last they'd seen him. Katara frowned. The Firelord had been acting very strange since they'd arrived in Ba Sing Se the previous day. Something was obviously bothering him; his silences were much more loaded than usual. But she had assumed, like everybody else, that it was work related. Now as she saw Iroh's worried face she realized they had been wrong in their assumption; if it had been work-related, Zuko definitely would have told his uncle.

"He does this every time," Iroh sighed, looking defeated. "Every time something really bothers him he slinks away to a spot he can confront it and… wallows. He's too proud to ask for anybody's help…"

"I think I know where he is," Katara said quietly. "Let me try and help him. Alone. I think… I think I may be the only one who can…"

Iroh nodded, thanking her with his eyes. She smiled in response, partly hoping she _wasn't _right. Because if she was it would mean re-living…

"Where are you going? So we know where not to be…" Aang was genuine.

She wouldn't look at any of them as she replied; instead she just started down the stairs.

"The catacombs."

_Let me apologize to begin with  
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say_

_But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed  
And somehow I got caught up in between_

It was surprisingly bright; in her memory the place was almost the belly of darkness itself. The crystals still bathed everything in an eerie green light, and she shivered as she entered. Her searching blue eyes found what she was looking for almost at once.

"I thought I'd find you moping here."

"I'm not moping." The reply was automatic.

She walked to sit beside him on the floor, pushing away the memories that were eager to resurface. She didn't say a word and instead looked at him, trying to read his face. It remained closed off, though, and eventually she gave up and just let her chin rest on her curled up knees.

"I'm sorry, Katara."

His voice was too rough, and her head jerked up in surprise. She felt her heart plummet to her stomach as she looked at him and saw that he actually looked close to crying.

"Zuko…"

He shook his head, gritting his teeth to hold back the tears, still refusing to look at her in the eye.

"This place… Was where I made… the biggest mistake… I…" His eyes shut. "I truly am so sorry. It wasn't what I wanted to happen, I promise. We were staring again! Uncle and I… We had worked so hard and it was finally paying off. We were going to have a good life here and then…"

Katara remained silent. They had never spoken of Ba Sing Se before and she'd thought it would remain a closed topic. Zuko's eyes opened and he began methodically picking at a thread on his pants.

"At first I was just mad at Azula. Once again she was going to ruin _everything_. I couldn't let her; Uncle wanted that new life too much. And I… I _needed _that new life too much. So instead of running from her when I had the chance I went back. To take care of her. To get rid of her once and for all. It wasn't the life I really wanted but I would be able to live with it. I _knew _I'd be able to live with it…"

Katara was almost transfixed by his voice and how hard his eyes were; his guard was up entirely to try and protect himself from the memories that held a horror for him she was only beginning to discover.

"She beat me, of course. And threw me down here." He shuddered as he was confronted by the walls again. "I thought I was just going to be left alone to rot but then you…" She remembered falling in and finding, to her utter horror and despair, that he was in there too. "I never thought I'd actually see you again. You were just… a figment from the past life I'd accepted was over. Then you were dropped in here with me and nearly slit my throat as soon as you saw me… And you opened up to me and suddenly I was telling you things I'd never told anyone else before…" He suddenly gripped his hair tightly in his hands. "Then I screwed it all up. Azula came and offered me everything I'd always wanted on a silver platter. She had Dai Li on her side, Aang was trapped in these catacombs and she swore to me that… And I made myself believe her. Because it was easier. It was so much easier than accepting who I was wasn't me anymore."

_Let me apologize to begin with  
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say  
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed  
And somehow I got caught up in between  
_

He stared at the floor, his face blank and hiding every raging feeling she knew was eating him inside.

"What then?" she asked quietly.

He needed to get it out, or it would eat him until he died. And besides, she actually wanted to hear this. Not to punish him, but to understand. Because it was somehow suddenly very, very important that she understood.

"Then I went home," he whispered. "And I got everything back. My room, my privileges, my honour… And all I had to do to keep them was pretend I was still the same boy Ozai had kicked out of that palace. The same boy who cared for nothing more than his throne and his pride. And I was… so sure… I would manage it. After all, I was more than happy to be home. I'd… really and truly missed the place." He was silent for a moment. "It was easy at first. I was able to pretend nothing had changed. I could pretend I was mad at Uncle for being a traitor, I could pretend Azula's sly looks meant nothing. I could pretend Ozai…

"But it got harder. I started noticing those sorts of things more and more often. I felt like I was being pushed out again, this time by myself. That was why, when Mai came along… She saved me, in a sense. Made it easy again to be who I had to. Made it easy to mistreat people, even Ty Lee who is about as evil as a turtleduckling… It was okay. What I'd done, I'd done for the good of my throne and my people. I was the crowned prince; I could do what I pleased to anybody, anyway. I'd won back my honour, in the end, and even gotten myself a nice, nation loving, noblewoman girlfriend…" The bitterness in his voice was unmistakable.

_Between my pride and my promise_

_Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way  
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come  
The only thing that's worse than one is none_

"But even Mai couldn't stop me thinking about it. Thinking about what I'd done to Uncle and Aang… I found I had to put my mother's picture away- I couldn't bear looking at her knowing what I'd done. And no matter how I tried to stay on the side I'd chosen, I kept getting pulled back to the one I'd forsaken until I was wedged in the middle of the two. Wanting both of them so much it hurt sometimes. I felt guilty and ashamed and angry at myself for feeling guilty and ashamed… I tried everything to forget and just live the life I'd chased for three years of my life… But no matter what I did I'd always end up thinking about what could have been. What things might have been like if I'd chosen the other path. And I replayed this cave meeting over and over in my head, seeing a new mistake each time. So I started trying to analyze you, to find fault with your actions so mine could be somehow justified." A humorless laugh escaped his lips. "But that only made things so much worse, because I realized that-"

He broke off and remained silent.

"That what?" she pressed.

"Nothing." She swore she saw him _blush_. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

The atmosphere was suddenly charged with lies and secrets, and it made Katara's hairs stand up somewhat. What had Zuko realized about their meeting that was so bad? Why wouldn't he tell her? Had she done something wrong? But no… that would have made things easier for him, he'd admitted that himself. So why was he staring resolutely at the ground, refusing to meet her eyes and just _tell_ her?

_Let me apologize to begin with  
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say  
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed  
And somehow I got caught up in between_

"When I finally got into my thick head that I was living worse than I lie, a part of me was scared it was too late. I didn't know what I would tell you all so that you'd see I was genuine… I was worried about Aang's reaction but above even him I dreaded seeing you again. And my apprehension proved right; you hated my guts."

A small smile twitched at Katara's lips at his tone of voice. He would never truly understand how intensely she had despised him. Heck, even she didn't understand it entirely.

"You were patient, though," she said softly, trying to help him overcome his guilt in some small way.

He shook his head. "No, I just seemed that way. There were times I would have gladly thrown you off the edge of the temple. You just… never stopped hating. And even though I understood your feelings and knew they were more than justified I still had to work really hard not to snap at you. Almost as hard as I was working to get you to trust me again, in fact. And… to be perfectly honest it hurt too. I knew I deserved it, but the expression in your eyes every time you looked at me… It honestly made me scared. I started wondering how many other people would look at me like that for what I did. Uncle, my mother… Mai. And when I thought of her, I began to wonder if I'd made the hugest mistake in the world. I'd given it all up- everything I'd ever wanted in my whole life. And why? Because my father was a bloodthirsty tyrant? I'd known that all along… And if I became Firelord I'd put an end to him. So why _exactly _was I out in some abandoned temple teaching a one-hundred-and-twelve-year-old boy how to Firebend whilst being attacked by a ferocious Waterbender?"

He sighed and rubbed his face, looking more world-weary than she'd ever imagined he could look. "And once again I found myself caught in-between. I missed my home and felt I was failing miserably at what I'd set out to do… When Azula attacked us I realized I could never go back. But until that moment I would have left." A bitter look crossed his face. "I never learn. Even after _this place _I was ready to make the same mistake. What a joke. No wonder you couldn't forgive me. You were right; I would have walked away again."

She wanted to tell him that he'd gotten it wrong but stopped the words from leaving her lips. This was his time to let it all out. Besides, what she wanted to say was ludicrous; he'd laugh at it.

_Between my pride and my promise  
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way  
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come  
The only thing that's worse than one is none  
The only thing that's worse than one is none_

"I wanted to make up for what I'd been thinking, so I decided to make it my main goal to find a way to make you forgive me. Well, that and I just… didn't want you to be mad anymore. I really didn't… So I spoke to Sokka and… Well, you know the rest."

There was silence as both of them re-lived their journey. A warm feeling started to seep through her as she remembered how supportive and strong he'd been for her. He'd helped her finally heal the hole that had been in her heart for so long. After that, she hadn't been able to deny that she had forgiven him.

"I was so happy. At the moment you forgave me… I felt again I'd made the right choice. I was ready to take on both my father and my sister for Aang; he was the right choice. And even sleep-deprived and slightly hurting you looked…" Again he stopped, shaking his head and laughing silently to himself. "I was such an idiot, even then." He was speaking to himself now. "I had eyes, I could see how he looked at you and yet… You forgiving me was enough to make me forget about everything I'd been willing to kill for for years…"

She gave him a confused look, but he just shook his head, looking away from her again. She frowned. That was the second time he'd done that; stopped himself from telling her something he obviously had on his heart. She sighed in frustration. He was so complicated…Every time she thought she had him all figured out he did something or said something that threw her into the darkness again. This conversation, for instance. She knew he felt guilty about Ba Sing Se but what he was expressing now was far too deep to be called mere guilt. It was eating him alive being back in the city, and still he wouldn't explain everything to her.

_And I cannot explain to you  
And anything I say or do or plan  
Fear is not afraid of you  
But guilt's a language you can understand_

"You aren't going to explain everything to me, are you?" she asked him quietly.

His smile was wry. "No. You don't deserve to have that knowledge dropped on you."

"Come on… What could possibly…?" Her breath caught as she saw his fingers unconsciously twitch towards his scar. My face? I see… "Part of what you're not telling me is… how you…"

He nodded. "Part of it, yeah." He couldn't seem to look at her. "The rest of it is… Stuff I wouldn't be able to word even if I wanted to. Realizations and guilt and dreams that… all seem to boil down to this place."

He's haunted by these walls… Katara squared her shoulders and stood up.

"Come." It was an order. He looked at her blankly. "We're going to get you over this. You get to re-live that day and make the right choice this time."

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks but it won't change anything…"

"No, it won't. It won't change anything you did to help Aang or the rest of us. All the danger you put yourself in, what you put yourself through for us… We've all forgiven you, Zuko. It's time to forgive yourself."

Slowly he reached out and took the hand she was offering him. She pulled him to his feet and did not take a step back. They were standing so close she could feel him breathing; just like she had the last time they were there.

"So let's see…" Her voice wouldn't come out above a whisper. "We were standing like this because I told you I might be able to… heal you… And then…"

Her right hand slowly rose again and he watched it, looking almost as nervous as he had the first time. As her fingers came in line with his nose he shut his eyes and her hand automatically reached towards his scarred eye. She touched it only very gently and yet he still flinched slightly under her touch. Unable to stop herself she stroked the smooth, cold and alien skin, trying to decide whether it fascinated or repulsed her. Without her realizing her thumb again stroked over Zuko's lips; she could feel the places he'd bitten it out of anxiety.

_I cannot explain to you  
And anything I say or do  
I hope the actions speak the words they can_

"Nobody is going to interrupt us this time," she breathed. "Go ahead. Do what you would have done back then if Aang hadn't come."

His eyes suddenly opened, and the look he fixed her with rooted her to the spot. It was nothing like she'd ever seen in his eyes before. It mesmerized her, twisted her stomach into knots, made her mouth go dry almost instantly. His hands moved from his sides and cupped her face, stroking her cheeks ever so slightly. Without meaning to, she closed her eyes and lent into his hand.

His body relaxed as the last of his hesitance disappeared. In slow motion Katara watched him lean forwards. His face was getting closer… His eyes were burning… He was… Kissing her. She forgot everything else as his lips met hers, soft and gentle. He kept them almost entirely closed and kissed her in the chastest way she could imagine. And even though it was nothing more then his lips softly pressed to hers she felt like she was flying and burning all at once.

It was over too quickly. He couldn't seem to bring himself to look in her eyes and so instead he leant his forehead against hers and looked at the ground.

"I would have done that." His voice was rough. "I wanted to do that. Many times. I dreamed about doing that during the time I crawled back to the Fire Nation. I realized… You still want to know what I realized? I realized I'd fallen in love with you. Somehow, somewhere. That was why it was so hard to pretend. That was why I tried extra hard to gain your trust. Even though I saw how much Aang loved you I… I made more mistakes in this place than you know, Katara. I betrayed my uncle and myself and let Aang get hurt and I let you go. Because I was scared of how easy it was to let you in completely."

She was silent. No words or answers or explanations came to mind no matter how hard she tried to search for them. She was bewildered and shocked and tingling… although the latter was not in a bad way. She felt Zuko's shoulders tense as the silence grew; he was regretting telling her.

"When?" Her voice sounded choked.

"What?"

She pushed him away from her so that he was forced to look her in the face.

"When did you first fall in love with me?"

The question took him by surprise.

"I… don't… I don't know… I guess… I guess it was when I woke up in the North Pole on top of Appa and the first thing I saw was you. I thought you would leave me to die out there."

"That's strange."

"What is?" He was trying to conceal his hurt.

_For my pride and my promise  
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way  
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come  
The only thing that's worse than one is_

"I first started loving you when I saw you'd kept Aang warm and safe even though you had captured him. And all I remember feeling after Aang told us we couldn't leave you out there was relief. Pure and complete relief."

His face turned blank with shock, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Did you really think you were the only one, Jerkbender? Why do you think I hated you so much for betraying me? Betraying me, not Aang. I saw you and your uncle working in the tea shop and I ran away. I thought back then it was because I was scared for Aang but I realized later that I didn't want to fight you. When I was thrown down here with you I was horrified and the first instinct I should have had was to attack you. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I told you things I'd told basically nobody…"

"But… Aang…"

"Is my brother and my first love. He's like my Mai. You had her and I had him. And now we don't any more. Sometimes life gives you good things and then takes them away to give you better."

Zuko didn't believe her. She could see it written all over his face and in his body language. He thought she was teasing or joking or purposefully taking the Mickey out of him. Her eyes softened and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

"Believe me," she breathed. "I'm not just saying this. If you had kissed me the first time we where here I would have kissed you back. I would have. This is how it was supposed to end."

He didn't argue. And this time he kissed her with everything he had.

_Pride and my promise  
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way  
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come  
The only thing that's worse than one is none  
The only thing that's worse than one is none  
The only thing that's worse than one is none  
_


	2. All Downhill From Here

A.N:/ I have currently entered a mode known as: "SH*T IT'S EXAMS!" and I thus need something to calm my nerves. I've learned from past experience that taking the time I'm supposed to be using to study and instead using it to write fanfictions is beneficial to my health and detrimental to my marks. In case you haven't noticed yet I care more about myself and Zutara than I do about whether I'm going to get a job one day :P

I've wanted to write this one for quite a while now. The song just fits so nicely, and I have a soft spot for New Found Glory. Be **warned **though that it has no original plot whatsoever. Heck, it hardly has a plot at all, original or not. It's just a conglomerate of Zutara-ness.

This one is dedicated to everybody out there reading it. Yes, that means YOU! *hug*

* * *

**Disclaimers: **I do not, sadly, own ATLA in any way. It belongs to Bryke.

"All Downhill From Here" belongs to New Found Glory.

* * *

**All Downhill From Here**

_You're hiding something, 'cause it's burning through your eyes  
I try to get it out, but all I hear from you are lies_

Katara had always thought she was able to read him. He was their tormentor; hell-bent on tearing them apart and causing them as much pain, suffering and fear as he could. He was their enemy, the one who was there at every turn and the one who betrayed them when they needed him most. She had been so sure that was all he was; that was all she'd ever see in those abnormal eyes.

But now she was forced to admit she was wrong. Ever since he'd joined them at the Western Air Temple she saw there was much more to him than she had brushed him off to be before. But still, she could read most of the emotions that filtered across his face. Anger. Frustration. Guilt. Sometimes even sadness. And _the _look. The one she would catch him giving her every now and again when nobody else was paying attention. The look that made her heart thud, her palms sweat and her mouth go as dry as desert sand. It was a look that spoke of more emotion than she'd ever seen in one person's eyes before. It was a look that both terrified and enthralled her at the same time.

It was a look he was giving her right then.

She tried to look away from the golden eyes that were boring into her and failed. She found that the next breath she took was shaky and that her fingers were trembling for some bizarre reason. Was she shaking because she knew, deep down, that that look Zuko was giving her meant danger? No… The look was not one of violence. It was one of hidden emotions and thoughts; emotions that wanted to burst free of his careful hold and were consequently causing his eyes to burn. Not in the same way they did when he was bending, but close. Very close. Whatever he was hiding, it was big and it caused her to tremble.

"What?" She hated the fact that her voice came out shaking too.

"Nothing," Zuko replied slowly, still not looking away from her.

_Liar_, her brain hissed. She didn't have to be Toph to figure that one out. A frown furrowed her face.

"No, not nothing. Tell me. Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

Zuko shrugged in an almost nonchalant way. "I was simply staring and you happened to be in my range of sight. Other times I watch you to make sure you're not about to attack me."

Rage boiled in her blood. _Fire Nation scum… _How dare he! She let him stay there, in the same place as Aang. She let him eat the food she made. She didn't outwardly tell him how much she hated him. Well, not all the time, anyway. And yet all he did was lie to her. More and more lies…

_And I can tell you're going through the motions_  
_I figured you were acting out your part  
Once again, we're playing off emotion  
Which one of us will burn until the end? _

Katara watched him the next couple of days even more closely. Every time she caught him looking at her _that _way she'd ask him why, and every time he'd find an excuse. It frustrated her and infuriated her and caused her to snap at him even more often than she had. The others thought she was still just distrustful because of Ba Sing Se, but it ran much deeper. He was proving himself distrustful then. And, above even that, she wanted the truth.

As she watched him, she picked up a pattern in his behavior. Whenever it came to her his body language changed, and he seemed to shut off, in a way. After only a short while she understood what it meant; he was acting without feeling. It was as though whenever he came into close contact with her he suddenly followed a script of a part he thought he was supposed to play. He remained aloof to her, even though he warmed to the others very fast. Even Sokka, who had hated Zuko's guts as much as she had, now viewed the banished prince as one of them. He seemed easy around them; smiling more than she had ever thought possible for him. But as soon as she stepped into the room he entirely closed off until she left. Or until she caught him looking at her like _that _again.

Then she made another discovery: she was not the only one who caused Zuko to act like that.

"Hey Zuko?" Sokka took the Firebender's grunt to mean a yes. "Do you think Mai will still want you after al this is over?"

"Sokka!" Suki looked reproachful.

"What? I'm just asking… He doesn't mind."

Zuko remained silent, but it was a thoughtful silence. His reply had taken a long time to come, and when it had it had piqued Katara's interest at once. Not because of what it was; he simply stated that he'd try and see what happened. No, the reason she literally sat up when he said it was because of the way it left the Firebender's mouth. Wooden. Emotionless. Like a badly delivered line. When it came to Mai, Zuko did the same as he did with Katara: he just went through the motions without actually living them. Somehow this made her feel a whole lot better.

After that discovery she started acting more civil towards Zuko as she tried to break the pattern he'd created. But no matter what she did, he remained stoic. She got frustrated by his lack of response, until the thought hit her that maybe he was doing it for a very good reason. Because if it came out… Well who knew what it would bring? She stopped baiting him, and a new agreement was silently formed between Waterbender and Firebender. They would pretend the other was nothing more than a part of the temple wall. They pushed away all emotion when it came to each other. Katara found this easy to slip into; ignorance was so much better than having to come to terms with exactly what Zuko was to her. But she couldn't help but wonder, when she caught _the _look directed at her, who it was going to affect the longest.

_Catalyst, you insist to pull me down  
You contradict the fact that you still want me around  
And it's all downhill from here  
And it's all downhill from here_

When the silent agreement between them had been going on for a while, Katara found she had another thing to admit to herself: even though she pretended to have no emotions when it concerned the Firebender he still affected her moods. He was the catalyst to her temper most of the time and seemed to know exactly which buttons to push. Part of his script on how to act around her seemed to consist of jabbing remarks muttered under his breath or stubborn contradictions to all of her arguments. It made her blood boil and her hand itch to slap him. Sometimes the itch was rewarded, but it never satisfied her as he never looked remorseful at all. It was as if he wanted to bring her down to his level. It was as if, now that he knew he could get away with playing a part around her, he wanted to make her hate him all over again. She caught the little smug smiles on his face every time she snapped at him, and they made her have to grind her teeth to keep her words in. She had let him have his way: let him lie to her about _the _looks, let him make her worth nothing more than just going through motions, let him tell her how to act around him. And now that she had, his payback was to make her feel unwanted in his little world. Things were heading towards a confrontation, she could feel it… Everything was going downhill…

_Your good intentions slowly turn to bitterness  
Reoccurring episodes with each and every kiss_

Zuko could tell she was doing it only for him. He watched her every time Aang smiled his lovesick-puppy grin; saw how her answering smile faded as soon as he looked away. He could tell she didn't want to hurt him with her rejection. She was just like that; she had a motherly personality. That and she probably thought that there was no way Aang would be able to save the world if his heart was broken in two. So she let him hold her hand, let him brush her cheek and shoulders when they were bending together, let him nuzzle her neck and even kiss her. But he could see plainly that it was out of the want to protect him and not out of genuine feelings.

And he knew that it would end up eating at her. He and Jin hadn't gotten that far, and yet the emotions had still been there; she would begin to detest the lies she was letting Aang tell. And, sure enough, he saw it happen. Whenever his lips touched hers it took a while for her to close her eyes and kiss him back. After he left, her face took on a look that was definitely not happy. It worsened as the days wore on; her bitterness grew. He could see the questions plague her; why was she doing it? Why didn't she tell him the truth? What could she do to make it _stop _without hurting him? If things had been different, he might have laughed at the situation. All she'd wanted was to make him happy because he was part of her family. But instead all she caused was resentment towards him because he was smothering her in his unrequited love.

_And I can tell you're going through the motions  
I figured you were acting out your part  
Once again, we're playing off emotion  
Which one of us will burn until the end?_

But still she would not break it to him. He waited for the day it would become too much and she'd snap, but it never came. He got into some sticky situations when he was found watching her and Aang together, but he was able to shrug them all off. It bothered him, though. More than he wanted to admit. Why was she enduring the suffering the false relationship obviously was to her? Why was she letting Aang have his way every time, even though each kiss disgusted her just a little bit more? He wanted to grab her and yell at her, make her stand up to the little boy the way she stood up to him. But he couldn't do that, he knew. He longed to, but he could not. The same as he could not tell her the other reasons he looked at her with hidden emotions he was sure burned through his eyes. It just wouldn't work.

So he did what she did: he started acting around her. He hid all emotions from her and said only the most basic of things. He was relieved when she decided to do the same to him; it made his acting so much easier. But still, he found himself looking at her and watching her and Aang. And still, he found himself thinking the same thoughts and wanting the same things. To his horror he realized, one day, that what he was doing to Katara was the same thing she was doing to Aang. Pretending. Acting out a part. And he really couldn't help but wonder who the false emotions would hurt the most in the end: him or her.

_Catalyst, you insist to pull me down  
You contradict the fact that you still want me around  
And it's all downhill from here  
And it's all downhill from here_

He couldn't stop himself after his revelation; he had to loosen his hold on his emotions a bit to tease her again. The first time he'd shot a comeback at her again he'd seen the relief mixed with the anger; she'd missed his baiting. She abandoned their emotion truce as soon as he began jabbing at her again. She allowed herself to get mad at him, and he realized how much he'd missed the blue fire her eyes became when she was angry. He also found himself being very proud that it was he who made her react in a natural way while she continued to act around Aang. He tried to hide his smugness, but he was sure she saw it.

The return of their arguments had a negative side, of course. She started acting like she didn't want him around any more. At least, he hoped it was acting. She'd seemed fine with him before but now she screamed at him to leave almost all the time. And despite the face that he told himself he didn't care, her contradictions hurt him. He found himself getting really mad at her, and couldn't reign in his temper most of the time. And it was getting worse, he could feel it. Things were heading downhill to the mother of all confrontations…

_And I can't believe you pulled it off again_

Still, through it all, she continued to pretend she loved Aang. He fumed silently as he stood in the shadow of a tree and watched them. She let him show off for her, smiling gently at his juggling act. And when he kissed her, she managed to smile at him and not let him see the way her face twisted as he left.

_Or notice 'til it all sets in_

Katara could feel his eyes on the back of her neck as she watched Aang head back to the temple. She wanted to turn around and demand to know why he was spying on them, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to turn around. She knew that when she did his eyes would stop burning and they would close off. She didn't want that to happen. He seemed to notice everything, but once what he saw set in he would shrug it off and play his part again.

_You'll deny it 'til you're at your bitter end_

They both knew that the true emotions of the other would remain hidden until the very end.

_And I can tell you're going through the motions  
I figured you were acting out your part  
Once again, we're playing off emotion  
Which one of us will burn until the end? _

She was the first one to snap.

"What gives _you _the right to spy on us?"

The coverage of the tree was futile now and so he moved out from behind it and stood just behind her, arms folded as he was forced to look at her back. The tension made both of their hearts pick up speed. The air was thick with lies and hidden emotions and the promise of the confrontation finally happening after days of building up.

"I didn't think you'd mind; it's not like anything is real."

She felt her stomach turn to ice. He knew. How did he know?

_Catalyst, you insist to pull me down  
You contradict the fact that you still want me around  
And it's all downhill from here  
And it's all downhill from here_

"You don't know what you're talking about," she answered, her voice trembling.

He snorted. "You don't love him, Katara. A blind man could see that. In fact, I'm pretty sure Toph _does _see that."

She whirled around to face him but for a second couldn't talk; his eyes were burning much more intensely than she had ever seen them burn. She grit her teeth and forced her anger back.

"Oh so now that you've got Mai you're suddenly an expert?"

A shadow crossed his face. "I don't have Mai," he said quietly. "I broke up with her, remember?"

"Like that makes any difference," Katara scoffed.

His mouth hardened and he took a step towards her.

"Why are you so afraid to tell him the truth? I can tell how much you hate the lies you have to tell."

"Says you, you hypocrite! You can't even face _me _with true emotions!"

"You're changing the subject! Why won't you tell him?"

"This has n-"

"Katara! _Why won't you tell him?_"

The dam of lies and pent up emotions finally broke.

"Because!" she bellowed, furious and sad and guilty all at once. "Because I can't bear to hurt him! Because it's safe to love him. It's _safe _to love him, not like loving you!"

Silence shivered between them, and it was so complete that neither of them even breathed. Gold eyes stared into blue as two hearts thudded erratically. Then a blush seeped into Katara's cheeks and mortification colored her eyes.

"I didn't mean that," she whispered.

"Yes you did," Zuko whispered.

"I don't love you. I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"I want you gone. You and your stupid burning eyes and your complicated nature and your warmth…"

"Katara…"

"… and your emotionless acting around me as if I'm not good enough to see the real you…"

"Katara." He was suddenly gripping her shoulders. "Shut. Up."

_And you keep pulling me down! _

Their lips fit perfectly together, liked they'd been created for that sole purpose. His were warmer and stronger than Aang's. Hers were softer and more loving than Mai's.

_Pulling me down _

She didn't know how her back ended up against the tree, or how her hair had mysteriously come loose from its binding. All she could feel was his fingers running through her hair wildly, like he owned it. Aang was always hesitant and shy, not wanting to violate her. Zuko was violating her. He was forcing his dominance on her; pushing _her _up against the tree. He was kissing her neck wildly without asking, combing his fingers through her hair roughly, biting her ear without so much as asking … He was violating her. And spirits, did it feel good.

_Pulling me down_

He had never imagined she would smell that good. He was sorry when the smell of bark overwhelmed her personal smell and was going to pull her away again when her legs curled around her and he decided that the smelling could wait. Her hair was softer than he'd imagined as it wove through his fingers again and again and her fingers scrunched against his neck gave the muscles there a very pleasant feeling. He almost laughed at the little squeak she made when he bit her ear, but couldn't bring himself to take his lips away so the sound could come out. Agni, it was going to be hard to keep the way he felt about her bottled up now… Forget it threatening to burn through his eyes, he'd be alight with it now…

_You contradict the fact that you still want me around  
And it's all downhill from here_

_And it's all downhill from here  
_

Katara was left to sink to the ground at the foot of the tree. She could tell her eyes were huge, and every nerve in her body tingled. She wanted him to come back and kiss her again, this time more violently. She wanted his lips to force hers open and… She put her head on her knees and drew a shaky breath.


	3. Secret Valentine

**AN: **Okay so this is the first fic that doesn't have any song lyrics in it because it's only _based _on a song. Actually it's based on two: Secret Valentine by We The Kings and Just Say You're Not Into It by Mayday Parade. You should have seen the latter coming: I'm too much of a Mayday Parade freak not to use at least one of their songs. Anyway, the fic is based on the general feel Secret Valentine gives and not so much it's lyrics; the Mayday Parade song actually has lyrics much more suited for the song. I just used the name of Secret Valentine because it suited the feel much better (you'll see what I mean once you've read it) and because Just Say You're Not Into It was much too long.

So look both sets of lyrics up to get the full feel or, even better, listen to the songs while reading this. I'm pretty sure it'll make the experience that much better to have good music distracting you from the shortness and cliché nature of this fic.

This one is written for AnnaAza because she was my **300****th **reviewer! Thanks for your support; you deserve this! I hope it meets your expectations… And thanks to every single other person who has ever reviewed: you guys rock.

_Please note: _No, there is no mature content in this fic. It might breach to the T+ level but it won't go further than that, except in your minds ;) So don't stop reading just because it looks like it's going to go 'somewhere'. I'd never write something like that.

**Disclaimer: **Still no owno any ATLA

* * *

**Secret Valentine**

Music muffled by distance and the locked door washed over her as she lay in utter bliss. Warmth and comfort encircled her and she breathed in slowly, sucking in the scent she loved so much. As she exhaled her loose hair fluttered across her cheek, tickling her. Warm fingers stroked the hair back behind her ear gently, lingering on her skin in a way that made her shiver. Her head rose and fell a few millimeters as he inhaled and exhaled. The only thing that was breaking her utter comfort was the way her dress was rumpled into a hard ball under her hip. It was uncomfortable and bad for the expensive and pretty item of clothing but she just could not bring herself to move to pull it straight again. And it wasn't as if her legs were cold because of the hiked up dress: he was keeping her more than warm enough.

His breath tickled her ear and she smiled, still keeping her eyes closed. She could quite easily fall asleep right there for a long time, and she was sure her dreams would be amazing. But she could not allow herself to; the party was still in full swing downstairs. And besides, she refused to miss even an instant with him. Even just lying curled up to him was enough to make her heart ache with joy.

The joy disappeared as quickly as a blink when, with a sigh, he sat up. Her eyes flew open and began to look over every inch of his body, memorizing the sight of him hungrily. She did not know when she would see him next, and she needed to keep something with her while she waited. As if guessing her thoughts, he stroked both of her cheeks, looking into her eyes the whole time.

"Bumi is having a party in two months," he said softly.

"Two months!" Her heart plummeted. That long?

"Can you survive until then?" His voice was slightly mocking.

"I guess I have no choice but to try…"

Their next kiss was long and tinged with bitterness; goodbyes were never easy. But life had to go on; there was only so long they could stop time. And anyway, she mused to herself as she unlocked the door and headed back into the music, it was only two months… It could have been much longer. But it was only two months. Just two short little months…

-x-x-x-

Drums sounded and dresses flashed as girls got whirled along the dance-floor. Katara stood by her little family, wearing an Earth Kingdom-styled dress that had been dyed blue in her honor. Her blue eyes never stopped searching the arriving people as she nervously played with the loose strands of her hair. Suki had wanted to do it up in a very elaborate fashion but Katara had politely refused, saying that she wanted to be able to redo her own hair if it came undone. And so Suki had done the style on a now-ravishing Toph instead and Katara had simply knotted her hair and adorned it with little blue crystals.

She barely listened as Sokka ranted how Bumi's food was so much better than the last party's had been, and she didn't even catch Toph's snide remark that if he kept eating so much rich food every two months when there was a party he'd end up fatter than Suki, who was very apparently pregnant by now. Sokka's attempt at defending his wife fell so short of the mark that Aang's laughter brought Katara out of her stupor for a moment, but it was not long before she anxiously began searching people's faces again.

Aang sidled up to her and began talking, although she wasn't really sure what the topic was. She smiled and nodded and answered when she had to but he could have been telling her about his desire to make Momo wear a dress and take dancing lessons for all she knew. And then suddenly her heart stopped and all the air was crushed out of her lungs as she spotted the face she'd been looking for. Toph's head turned in her direction and the look on the Earthbender's face told Katara just how erratically her heart was beating.

_Toph knows, Toph knows… Or has she always known…? _

The Earthbender said and did nothing, though, and Katara let out a sigh of relief. She made a mental note to talk to Toph privately when the party was over and then allowed her mind to wander back to the topic it wanted to be occupied with.

"Katara? Katara?"

She jumped and looked guiltily at the Avatar.

"I'm sorry, Aang. I got distracted. What did you say?"

"I asked if Bumi gave you a nice room too," Aang repeated, only looking faintly put out.

"Oh yes, my room is wonderful." She cleared her throat and raised her voice. "I have the bedroom in the left wing that faces the palace gardens. And the door is pretty too; it's a lovely, distinctive cream colour with a wood-mark the shape of a teardrop on its right."

"I got the one with the biggest bed," Aang grinned. "It's got this huge canopy that…"

Katara glanced at her guy out of the corner of her eye and saw him excuse himself from the people he was talking to. As an excuse he said he needed some time to walk in the fresh air. They accepted the excuse; he took an hour off to be alone at every party. She waited for Aang to finish with his in-depth explanation of his room before she told the gaang she was going for a stroll around the halls for a while to get her breath back. They let her go without question; she took an hour off for herself at every party she attended.

-x-x-

The halls were deserted and dark as she slipped quietly through them, and she was utterly relieved. Reaching the bedroom she was staying in she quietly slipped inside, keeping her eyes firmly on the door and not letting them wander around the dark and silent room. She bolted the door firmly and then leaned her forehead against the wood, listening intently for any signs that she had been followed. There were none, and after about twenty seconds she let out a sigh of relief.

Her sigh seemed to be his summoning. Suddenly, without a whisper of warning, he was right behind her and his cheek was pressed to hers. She opened her eyes and turned around slowly to face him. For a moment she just stared at him, hungrily mesmerizing his face and eyes. Then her self-control crumbled to nothingness and she flung her arms around him and dragged his lips to hers.

Like every time before he started the kiss off very slowly and took it up a notch only when she was sure she'd explode if she had to wait a second longer. As the kiss deepened and became steadily wilder she felt herself begin to come alive in every nerve cell in her body. She craved more, and yet he was persistently taking it slow…

"Stop it," she moaned, finally unable to take it any longer. "I need you too kiss me. I _need _you to _kiss _me…"

He grinned and scooped her into his arms, pressing his lips to hers with all the might he could. She inhaled sharply through her nose and all her muscles tensed as heat as intense as the sun flooded through her body. With a little sigh she melted into the heat, loving the way his lips moved with hers now. She had always been afraid of burning, but she had recently realized that _this _type of burning was as pleasurable as breathing. She let the fire spread through her as she fiercely kissed him back. Through the twisting, all-consuming fire she was vaguely aware of his hands raking through her hair and a very small part of her was pleased at her decision to go with the easier hairstyle. She knew the little crystals must be scattering all over the floor as his fingers attacked her brown locks, but she didn't care. Everything in her world, every sound and taste and feeling and smell and emotion and action, was him. Purely him.

"Zuko…" she sighed, unable to keep his name off of her lips for a second longer.

His lips left hers and trailed instead down her jaw and neck, kissing the flesh there sporadically. Somehow he knew exactly where to kiss to make her skin burn as much as her insides did. As he kissed and nuzzled and sometimes even nibbled she whispered in his ear how much she'd missed him and longed for him and counted the days. And suddenly he lifted his mouth to her ear and whispered her name so that his breath tickled her.

The rest of her self-control seemed to vanish and she began pulling him towards her bed, relishing in the way his hands gripped her hair so tightly. Annoyance broke through the burning bliss as she wished that he was wearing a shirt instead of robes so that she could take off the material in one smooth motion and stroke the beautiful skin she knew was waiting underneath. But her annoyance was short-lived as they reached the bed and toppled onto it. She lay on her back with her hands curved into his loose hair, which was still not an inch longer than it had been on the day the war had ended. He suspended himself above her on his hands and kept her body firmly between his knees. She wanted him closer; her hands grabbed his robe and tugged him down. She wanted him _closer… _

Suddenly the heat and slight pressure disappeared from above her and instead reappeared next to her on the bed. Both of them now lay on their backs, panting and flushed. While Katara's body and skin wanted him to come back and go further, her heart and mind loved him all the more for stopping. He had made it perfectly clear on the first night, the night the insane ritual had started, that he would not go beyond a certain point until they were married. She understood, respected and agreed wholeheartedly to the decision when she thought about it rationally, but when she was with him… It was so hard…

She leaned her cheek against his shoulder and his arms circled around her, playing with the sleeve of her now very rumpled dress. She could hear his heartbeat and she smiled a little smugly at how quick it was. For a while they just lay there in utter silence, calming themselves down and just enjoying the moment. He kissed her forehead abruptly.

"Tell me how the arrangements for your little niece or nephew are going," he asked suddenly.

She smiled and snuggled closer to him, remembering how handsome he had looked at Sokka's wedding, even after her brother had accidentally dumped the pudding on him. She told him about the baby shower and about the little sparring matches Sokka and Suki had had to decide on names and how they still hadn't decided where they would build their home yet; South Pole of Kyoshi Island. After the news about Sokka and Suki the conversation continued, flowing naturally and easily. She found herself being lulled by the sound of his voice as he told her about Iroh's latest shopping catastrophe. It made her happy enough to burst when she realized that they could tell each other anything and everything; the relationship was not just physical attraction. After a long while of snuggling and talking, Zuko suddenly sighed.

"Our hour is up," Katara stated miserably.

"Aang will be looking for you." There was muted jealousy in his voice.

"And Mai will be looking for you." Her tone matched his exactly. "When is the next party?"

"I don't know… But if it gets to a month and a half and there are still no sounds of one coming soon then I will make one myself. Uncle will be thrilled to have free reign."

She giggled. "You'd better give me a good bedroom."

"You know I will. Not that it will matter; we'll meet in mine."

The idea sent a flash of emotion rushing through her, and she had to swallow for fear of her heart leaping right out of her mouth. Zuko sat up and gently took her face in his hands before kissing her softly and gently. She put all her raw emotion into her answering kiss, wishing that they did not have to go. They both got up and Katara redid his hair while he straightened his robes. Then, with one last, long look at her, he left. She bolted the door after him again and leaned her forehead against the wood and let herself begin to sob. She slid to the ground, covered her mouth with her hands to stifle the sound, and cried. She didn't cry because of guilt of what she was doing behind everybody's backs or jealousy or even frustration. She cried because she had to let him go for an extended period of time again, and it hurt her so much to let him slip away even for an instant. And she never knew for sure that he would come back the next time… Living without him was almost unbearable…

She stood up, walked to her mirror and combed her hair back into the style it had been in before. Then she crawled around the room and found every one of the little crystals and put them back in her hair. Bending some water out of the basin on her table she smoothed her dress and washed her face. Then she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and gathered the truth; her utter and immense love for the Fire Lord, the way she craved to just hear him speak and all the dreams she had of their future and she shoved them in a mental drawer. Unbolting her bedroom door and walking back down to the party she locked the mental drawer, knowing it would stay securely shut until the next party was held.


	4. The Way I Loved You

**AN: **Okay so my sister got the Taylor Swift CD for her Birthday, and lately that's all I've been listening to. Of course when I listen to a song I also listen to see if it's Zutara in any way. And Miss Swift has quite a few Zutarian songs indeed (HI 5 to Taylor Swift, wherever you are!).

The first time I heard this one it just screamed **ZUTARA! **without me having to analyze it at all. But then I listened more closely and realized that it would be close to impossible to write a Zutara songfic to it as it's in first person with a lot of modern references. Okay a songfic could be done but it wouldn't be… whole, if you get what I mean. So I sadly dismissed it and wrote All Downhill From Here.

But my muse is the biggest pain in the ass I've ever encountered and it continued to hound me with the song. SO finally I gave in and started to write it and, just as I expected, it came out crap. I was about to delete it when a thought struck me: what if I try something entirely different with this one and make the lyrics _part _of the fic…

So that's what started this one. As stated, it's really different from all the rest. It's got the song lyrics as part of the actual story, and it's written entirely from Katara's POV. That also means that there's not too much detail in here, sorry. Also, bold and italics is a flashback/memory. So those who don't read my author notes wont have a clue what's happening. *evil laughter*

Feedback will be **adored **because I really want to know how much I failed with this and if I should try it again in the future. Even flames will be appreciated. This one's for Deffie because she kept hounding me to update and because I owe her for writing me _Evil Angel_. You see? Compromise does work ;)

* * *

**Disclaimers: **Avatar belongs to Bryke

The Way I Loved You belongs to Taylor Swift

* * *

**The Way I Loved You**

I can't believe this. I'm all dressed in my traveling clothes, ready for the long journey on Appa to the Earth Kingdom, and I'm very aware that I will be alone with Aang for the entire two-day journey and all I can think about is you. It would be okay if it was just a fleeting thought or two; after all I haven't seen you in months and you're definitely going to be at the party. But it's not just fleeting thoughts; I'm thinking about you all the time. Heck I'm even _talking to you inside my head_. Maybe I've been alone here in the South Pole for too long. I knew I should have gone with Sokka and Suki to Kyoshi Island.

That's got to be the reason. Because there is no other sane explanation to why I would want to speak to you so badly I'm having a mental conversation with you. I know things ended on a bit of a sour note but… No. I'm not apologizing to you. Not in my own head. You don't deserve to be in here! It should be filled with thoughts of me, Aang and nothing but open sky. Not you.

Because you know what? He is sensible and so… _incredible_. And all my single friends are jealous; I've seen their wishful looks. And they have oh so much to be jealous about! He says _everything _I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better.

And he's here now! Appa's just landed. Wow… He's grown quite a bit since I last saw him. It's funny how nervous he still is of my dad, even though he's made it clear how much he likes Aang. I kind of like it, though; it shows that he's still little Aang, not just the big, strong Avatar the world sees him as.

He opens up my door and I climb onto Appa, happy to be there again. And he says, "You look beautiful tonight." Even though I'm wearing my oldest parka and boots, I can see in his eyes that he actually means it. And I feel perfectly fine.

But… But I miss… I _miss _the screaming and the fighting and the…

No. No! Aang. The boy sitting at Appa's head right in front of me. He's the one I missed. And now he's here. And we're flying together and, spirits, did I miss this feeling. He's grinning now that he sees my grin and I can't help but laugh. He makes all stress seem to melt away.

And you know what else? He respects my space and _never _makes me wait. And he writes exactly when he says he will! He's close to my mother in a slightly freaky, spiritual Avatar way that makes him understand how much I still hurt for her. Even though you did help turn the crushing pain to an easier ache the day we flew to… But that's in the past. Aang's the one flying with me now. And on top of being close to Mom, he also talks business with my father. He's charming and endearing and I'm _comfortable_.

But… Oh spirits as much as I want to deny it there is a but. I have to pretend to be asleep otherwise Aang will look back and see the expression in my eyes and he'll know something is wrong. I am comfortable and so safe and happy with Aang! I am!

But I miss screaming and fighting…

"_**You are so impossible! I ask you one little thing, **__one __**little thing and you can't even do that! No, don't even bother defending yourself! Just… stay out of my way before I do something rash!" **_

"_**Oh! So screaming like a dying person isn't rash? You didn't even hear my side of the story! Because why should you? **__You__** are **__always __**right, and it's always the other people who make the mistakes!" **_

"_**It's called learning from past experiences! You're **__always __**picking a fight with me so I don't bother to listen to you anymore because all you do is-" **_

"_**Exactly! You **__never __**listen to me! And then you wonder why I have to yell to get my point-" **_

"_**Well I must have picked up the not-listening from you! You interrupt me all the time-"**_

"_**Oh, **__please, __**Katara now you **__know __**you're just clutching at straws!" **_

"_**You. Just. Did. It. **__AGAIN. __**Don't you **__dare __**look at me like that you…" **_

"_**For Agni's **__sake__**! Was it really necessary to throw a vase at me?" **_

"_**You're just lucky it wasn't a knife! Now **__get out__** and don't come back! I said **__leave__**!" **_

And kissing in the rain…

"Er… Miss Katara? I'm sorry to bother you so late…"

"_**Oh! No, it's fine. How can I help?" **_

"_**Well… I went to Miss Bei Fong first because this is her house but… She told me you have to decide what to do about it…" **_

"_**About what?" **_

"_**Well… Come see for yourself. See? Right in the middle of the path, in the pouring rain." **_

"_**What **__on earth __**is he doing there?" **_

"_**Nobody knows, miss… He's been standing there ever since… Well… your little fight this afternoon. He refuses to move. Even when it started raining as hard as it is now he just… The guards haven't removed him because he isn't technically doing any harm but if you want them to…" **_

"_**No. No, it's okay. I'll handle him myself." **_

_**The feel of a thicker jacket over my nightclothes. The coldness of the night air against my skin as I open the door. The tightness of my skin as I frown deeper and stalk towards him. **_

"_**What the **__hell__**, Zuko. Have you lost your mind? It's pouring with rain and **__freezing __**out here! What are you doing?" **_

"_**I was… scared you meant what you said. About not coming back. Toph would probably side with me and let me in but… I couldn't be sure and…" The sound of his sigh. "I couldn't take the risk. I'm… sorry… Katara. I isn't mean to yell or interrupt you or…" **_

"_**You're really going to do this outside in the pouring rain?" **_

_**The sight of his scowl. "Are you going to let me apologize or not?" **_

"_**Or not. You're already forgiven." **_

_**The feeling of his arms scooping me up. The drip of the rain on my body as I stop Waterbending the falling drops away. The heat of his lips that contrasts so much with the icewater. The strength of his arms around me as we kiss, the rain making me almost as wet as him. **_

Oh Spirits… It's 2 AM and I'm _cursing _your name. Do you hear that, Zuko? I'm _cursing _you! You're…You're so in love that you acted… _insane! _

…And that's the way I loved you…

Breaking down, and coming undone; it's a roller coaster kinda rush. And I… I never knew I could _feel _that _much_. And that's the way I loved you.

We're at the part now and I know I'm going to see you soon. My stomach feels like it's full of rocks, and the pretty dress seems way too tight because I can't breathe properly. I know as soon as I lay eyes on you I'm going to remember all the horrible things we said to each other. I do regret them; I wish I could tell you that. But no matter how much I wish they hadn't happened they're going to come back to me and I'm going to get mad at you all over again and it's going to be so hard keeping the memories I'm having away from Aang…

Aang. He can't see the smile I'm faking and my heart's not breaking, because I'm not feeling anything at all. The lady next to me just announced that you've arrived. You're going to be in here soon. And with you are going to come unpleasant memories, because that's what happens when you see somebody you _used _to love.

You know that you were wild and crazy, just so _frustrating. _And… intoxicating… And complicated! You got away by some huge mistake and I… I miss… Oh Agni you're here. You haven't seen me yet. Please don't turn your head… Please… Too late, you've seen me… Here it comes..,

_**The feel of his lips on my neck as he kisses me an whispers how wonderful I am. **_

Wait… They were supposed to be bad memories…

_**The feel of his strong shoulder beneath my chin as we dance in the sunset. The way my cheeks hurt because I'm smiling so wide. **_

You've stopped stock still, and I think you have memories too. Maybe yours are the bad ones I expected to have. I wish you would stop looking at me… Now I _really _cant breathe. Or move. Or think of anything else.

_**The way he curls around me as we fall asleep under the stars. The sweetness of his quiet breath as he sleeps. The peacefulness of his face. The desire to never wake up without him ever again. **_

Iroh has pulled you away. On the one hand I'm glad to be free of your stare but on the other… I want to run after you and tell you… Tell you…

That I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. And that it's now 2 PM and I'm cursing your name. And I'm so in love that I acted insane, and that's the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone; it's a roller coaster klinda rush. And I never in a million years thought that I could feel _that much_. And that's the way I loved you.

Aang's pulling me towards the table now, but I don't want to go. You're there. I can't… I don't think I can stand… But Aang's already plonked me down in a seat and he's now rushing off to get us both food. Oh Agni no… No don't sit next to me! Oh…

I stare at the table in front of me, aware of how tense you are and the glare you're giving your uncle. What was Iroh _thinking_? You probably hate me! I should hate you too because of the way you were but… that's the way I loved you…

Something brushes against my leg and I glance under the table to see what it is. I can feel myself stiffen and I can't help but stare at the sight under the table. I swallow loudly and glance at Aang. He's far away and engrossed in heaping mounds of food onto two plates. I swallow again and look calmly in front of me. I don't give any sign that, under the table, my hand slips into your waiting one. My fingers squeeze yours, and the answering pressure is enough to make my heart fly.

_**That's the way I loved you. **_


	5. Learning To Fall

**AN: **I was supposed to be writing a request fic but then I listened to some of my old music and re-discovered this Boys Like Girls song. Needless to say, it screamed Zutara at me too and I decided that I had to write a companion piece to The Way I Loved You.

So this is Zuko's POV, again with VERY little detail and again with the song lyrics integrated into the fic. Please do note that I'm taking artistic liberty so I can change some of the lyrics around to fit my needs better :P Oh I love this power.

Again, reviews will be adored.

**Disclaimers: **A:TLA belongs to the amazing Bryke

Learning To Fall belongs to Boys Like Girls

* * *

**Learning To Fall**

Today is by far the worst day of my life. Forget everything else that's happened. Forget banishment and constant failure and the slums of Ba Sing Se and the catacombs… Forget them; they were nothing compared to this. It feels like something is trying to crawl out of my throat as I watch you and him beneath me. You're so content it hurts me, and I don't know why. Surely I should be happy if you are happy? Apparently that logic doesn't work in this situation.

The cost of misery is at an all time high. How ironic is it that if I'd acted just a bit faster I could have stopped him kissing you? Or maybe even then I would have been too late… But at least I would have had a chance. If I'd broken up with Mai just a little bit faster I could have had a shot with you. Yes, I could have. I would have _made _you listen to me; you would not run away again.

But I wasn't fast enough. I failed again. And now I have to be content with watching the two of you together without even the semi-comfort of Mai. You have no idea the emotions this is bringing me. The hate and regret and jealousy… Aang won't see it, but I know you will as soon as you look at me; you know me too well. I keep it all hidden close to the surface and in sight. You will know. What will that do to you? Make you smug that you've finally gotten he better of me? Will it make you feel sorry for me? Will you feel regret or will you feel nothing at all? It's driving me insane wondering about it. Hopefully nobody will try to talk to me anytime soon; I really don't want to snap at anyone who doesn't deserve it.

I know others might think that this should be nothing compared to what else I've been through. But they don't understand how much of myself I gave to you. I let you in and told you almost everything; more than I've ever told anyone before. That ride back from our encounter with Yan Ra… I don't think you get how much of myself I gave to you. It was something I'd never done before, and so now I'm getting hurt in an entirely different way. And I need to learn how to hit rock bottom in this part of life afresh.

So I'm learning to fall. And as much as it disgusts me to admit it, I can hardly breathe. The same thing that's trying to crawl out of my throat is constricting my lungs. I can barely swallow and my hands are shaking so hard I can't even ball them into fists. But hey, you don't need to pay any attention to that! When I'm going down, don't worry about me! Don't try this at home; don't think about anybody's feelings but _his_. Not that I can judge you on that; Mai is crying in the bathroom right now. I'm just… so… bitter that after everything you still chose him.

No, that's not the reason I'm so bitter and _angry_. The real reason is you told me, you _told me_, that you don't see how you could be with him. You said it to my face! And yet, even with that you're… Ugh I can't look at it any more. It would have been bad enough knowing that you chose him, but I could have lived with _that_. I'm good at living with disappointments and I could have made it work for everyone in the long run. But for that to happen I need to be able to move on. How can I do that when I saw the doubt in your eyes countless times? I don't want to know that you know it should have been me.

Now that I think about it: _could _you be with him? Or was it just a lie? A lie you told and are still busy telling him and yourself. I'm not Toph but I saw your reactions every time he showed too much affection. And I saw your expressions when you talked one on one. The simple truth is he doesn't get you like I do, and you don't know why. And you know what _sickens _me? You changed for him even when I _know _you didn't want to. And let me point out that you looked much better in Water Tribe clothes with your necklace uncovered and proudly displayed then you do in a white Air Nomad dress. It makes me _so _jealous that I couldn't be the one to fight (and probably lose) a battle against you to get you to wear Fie Nation clothes again.

So you changed your clothes and your hair, but I can't change your mind. I'm uninvited and so unrequited now. Still learning to fall… I'd have thought I'd hit the bottom by now. But somehow the anger, bitterness and resentment can't make me love you less.

And now there are words screaming in my head. Why did you leave? And I can't stop dreaming… Watching you and _him _when it should have been… it should have been me.

Your lips are finally off his and you see me standing here. Your face changes, but I don't know to what. I keep my face blank, but I know you can read it in my eyes. Aang is confused as he watches me walk up to you, but happiness at your kiss blinds him from the truth. I tell him, calm as can be, that the feast is ready. He smiles and thanks me, gives you a shy look and then takes your hand to lead you inside. But I stop you, lean in close so that Aang has no hope of hearing, and I whisper what you know deep down is the truth. The truth that will keep me forever learning to fall. The truth that will eat both of us alive forever.

_I know that you know it should have been me. _

* * *

**AN 2: **Yeah, Zuko is the type of person who'd get really agro if he didn't get the girl he loved. That's why I made him act all bitter and GRRR. If it's too OOC PLEASE tell me so I can try and remedy the situation? Thanks.


	6. Animal I Have Become

**AN: **This took so much longer than it should have. And this fic is the reason the previous one was posted so late: I finished Learning To Fall at least a week and a half ago, but I didn't want to post anything until I had finished this request, as it was kinda top priority. And then I couldn't get started with this fic and life caught up and other things happened and… Blah, blah, blah. I finally grit my teeth and got down to writing this yesterday. I will admit to you all that I was very nervous: I really had NO CLUE what to do with this fic. Hopefully it turned out semi-okay. I don't like it that much at all but maybe somebody else does? I dunno; I just gave it up as a lost cause after deleting the entire thing about six times. IN the beginning I worked with the lyrics but that really didn't work so I settled for the fic just being **based on the song.** Review, please, so I can know how to better it. If I can even save this thing at all…

Okay so now some **important news**: This is going to be the **second last **fic posted in MFU. There is one more I need to post here early in July and after that the songfics are going to stop indefinitely. Who knows, I might get random muse sometime and put a sporadic one up. But just in case that doesn't happen, here's the reason MFU is going to end: I have an idea for a little three-chapter mini-fic that I'm going to put into action very soon. And after my mini-fic is done it's time to start working on Zutara Week which, for those of you who don't know, is taking place from July 26- August 1.

So no more songfics, but more actual, semi-original fics are going to be coming your way. Feel excited or utterly horrified, depending on how much you think my writing sucks :P I'm gonna say a huge thanks here to everybody who read, reviewed and faved this fic. I really didn't expect it to be this popular: _**YOU GUYS ALL RULE!**_

**Disclaimer: **Avatar belongs to Bryke.

Animal I Have Become belongs to Three Days Grace

* * *

**Animal I Have Become **

His ragged breathing could be heard even over the sounds of bushes being roughly pushed away. In earlier times he would have chastised himself for making so much noise: as the Blue Spirit he had learned how to be as silent as the air itself. But right then he didn't care if the whole world knew he was coming. _Let them know! _He mind screamed at him. _Let them know so he can feel fear before I get to him! _

His breathing hiked even more, and his nails bit into his palms. They fell into the bloody grooves etched into his skin: he had balled his hands into fits so much in the past few days that he had cut through his skin. He didn't feel the pain, though. Not the pain of his bloody palms or the pain of his aching feet and bruised shins. All he felt was rage. Rage so complete and consuming that it blotted everything else out. Everything. He felt nothing else but the consuming anger and hatred and the need for revenge. The need to have the monster's blood shed and shed thick.

In the beginning the all-consuming fire had scared him. He had tried to listen to his friends; he had tried to rein it in. But as the hours slipped by and the anger just grew he began to understand that nothing would help, either way. Being calm and complacent would in no way magically turn what he was living into a mere nightmare. He would never wake up from what had happened and he would never escape it. That was when he stopped fighting the rage and instead gave into it. He let it wash away the gaping hole in his chest, let it fade away every other emotion except anger. The guilt, the pain, the frustration… it all just melted into fury. He let go of human feelings and turned into something that could handle the events that had occurred better. He turned himself into an animal.

He pushed his way more forcefully through the undergrowth, palms steaming at the ever-present rage. He knew the rest of the gaang was following him. He knew they were worried about him and he knew that they would try and stop him from getting his revenge. He supposed that he should have tried to hide the animal inside him from them; it was wrong to have let them witness his rages and moments of pure fury that had caused him to trash everything in sight. But he just didn't have enough left in him to care. So what if they saw the darkest side of him? It, like everything else, didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

An image of two blue eyes brimming with concern floated in his mind and he grit his teeth. Her expression had just made him even angrier. Yes, he could see that she understood, but why then was she trying to stop him like the rest? Surely she could understand how much the rage wanted to take over? She told him, gently and with her hands raised in a surrendering gesture, that she knew he was mad and just wanted to take revenge, but that it wasn't worth it. That rage that he was feeling wasn't the real him and if he entertained it, it would destroy him. She begged him to let it go.

He hadn't listened to her and had instead snuck away while they were sleeping that night. Without Appa he knew he had to make his way back to the Fire Nation on foot, but he didn't care about that either. He expected them to have caught up with him by now… But maybe they were staying away on purpose? Trying to give him time to get himself under control, perhaps… They didn't understand. He was past control. Zuko was no more: he was caged inside his body, and a rage-animal was controlling him. The first few nights he had tried to fight back and had played Katara's confrontation with Yon Rha over and over in his head. But it hadn't helped. She knew what it was like to have your mother murdered, yes. But she didn't know what it was like to have your mother murdered on your own father's orders. Or what it was like to arrive in time to watch her being slaughtered in front of your eyes.

No, she didn't understand. None of them did. He would never get over this. This was his own personal hell, and he'd be living in it until he died no matter what path he chose. So was it so wrong to choose the path that would allow him to feel the least pain? He didn't think so. The animal didn't think so. And he was going to listen to it. Ozai's blood would be spilled by _his _hands, and it would be spilled soon.

As he got closer to the place he'd once called home, he forced himself to slow down and advance with more stealth. It was the most practical way to get to Ozai's cell without the monster having time to run away. But if it did run, the animal would enjoy chasing it. There weren't many places a convicted prisoner could run, anyway.

The prison guards were taken out easily, and he couldn't help but smile smugly at the sight of their heaped bodies. They were weak, and he was strong. Strong enough to finally do what Aang did not: kill the monster. He crept along the prison halls in absolute silence. Then he was there, facing the cell with the monster huddling inside. The monster raised its head, took in his bleeding palms, ragged breathing and torn clothes and smirked.

"I see you found your mother."

The animal roared in rage and hate and fire burst forth from his palms and mouth. He didn't bother with keys: he melted the bars of the cage and then ripped the metal away with his swords. As the now-useless shards of metal hit the floor the monster lost its smug look and instead gained a look of fear. The animal was pleased.

He grabbed the monster by the shirt and yanked it forwards so hard that the handcuffs broke its wrists. The monster howled in pain and he took the opportunity to use his Dao swords to cut trough the monster's chains. Then he sent volleys of fire at the monster, and didn't stop it from trying to crawl away. It wouldn't get far. If it wanted to die on its knees… Well, all the better for him.

He rained blows down on the monster, some filled with fire and some just normal kicks and punches. The monster tried to fight back, but he was too strong for it. It was going to _die _today, whether it begged or not. The fear in the monster's eyes was growing as it looked into his eyes and realized that it was the animal that was in control of his body. He wondered, briefly, what the monster saw in his eyes. Maybe its impending doom. He hoped that was the case.

With a wave of fire stronger than all the rest he sent the monster crashing into the opposite wall. Its blood made a stain on the bricks as it slid to the floor, and he was pleased. This was it. The monster would die now. He raised his hand, feeling the fire throb through him and get ready to escape…

A wave of water hit him, and he was thrown to the side. He was on his feet almost instantly, and he snarled wordlessly at the Waterbender. At his hostile and inhumane response shock flickered across her pretty face. It was quickly replaced by pain and empathy that he did not want to see. He turned his face away from her and advanced on the monster again, only to be stopped by a wall of ice crystals.

He screamed in rage and frustration, and fire billowed from his palms. Angrily he swiped away the ice crystals, hardly aware that the Waterbender was trying to talk to him. Suddenly she was in front of him, and he couldn't deny her presence any longer.

"Zuko! _Please _stop. Please!"

He roughly pushed her aside; he was not Zuko. And the monster _must die_. It must scream like he heard his mother screaming.

She was in front of him again as soon as he'd taken a step forward, and this time she wrapped her arms around him. He tried to squirm and twist away, growling at the unwanted contact, but she held on tighter and refused to let go.

"No." There were tears in her voice. "I won't let you do this. If you want to hurt him you'll have to hurt me too."

He raised his hand to do just that but found he could not strike her. His fingers began to tremble and his breathing hitched as inside him the animal screamed at the beginning signs of defeat. Her arms tightened around him, and this time he only struggled feebly. The monster made a noise and his eyes snapped to him again, fury coursing through his veins.

"He deserves it." His voice was hoarse from misuse and rage.

"I know," she whispered, and he could feel her crying. "I know he does. Oh, Zuko, he does! But I won't let you tear yourself apart by killing him. I won't let you destroy yourself because of _him_."

It was getting harder and harder for him to breathe, and his vision was becoming blurry. He angrily grit his teeth and tried again to squirm away but was as unsuccessful as before. He saw again the images of his mother being attacked, heard again her screams and before he could stop it a sob tore from his throat.

"He deserves it!" he screamed again, and he was ashamed to find he was crying.

Katara hugged him even closer, pulling his head down against her shoulder. Her tears mixed with his.

"Shhh, I know." Her voice was choked. "I know. Shhh… It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'm here. Shh."

The rage-animal was slipping away, knowing it was defeated. As it went the emotions returned, and it was as though he was being ripped open from the inside out. But he was un-caged and in control of his body again; Katara had set him free. And so it was Zuko, not the animal, who buried his face in her shoulder and wept.


	7. Kiss The Girl

**AN: **Happy Birthday Lita the Storyteller! Yep, this is your Birthday present :P I hope you like it; I really did try my hardest with this. Feel free to request a new present; I know Ashley Tisdale isn't your most favourite ;) This was first going to be set to _**THE BEST **_Zutara song I have **EVER **come across, but the song was just too epic for me to write around it. I'd just end up repeating stuff and I'd ruin the song. But do yourselves a favour and go and listen to _**Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade.**_

Anyway, with this fic I was going to try something new, again. Namely: no dialogue at all, just thoughts and feelings. And I'm using the lyrics to this song as part of Zuko's internal thoughts. So see the lyrics as what his little internal voice is whispering in his head. If that makes any sense. Again, feedback is BEGGED for: should I just stick to my usual stuff or should I try this lyrics-as-thoughts thingy again?

**To get the most out of this fic listen to Ashley Tisdale singing her version of the song while reading it. It adds to the mood if you can hear the music. Helps you imagine it clearer. **

**Disclaimers: **ATLA belongs to Bryke and Nikelodeon

"Kiss The Girl" belongs to Disney.

This story belongs to Lita the Storyteller.

* * *

**Kiss The Girl**

The small fire flickered happily in the slight breeze, throwing erratic spurts of light over all of them as they sat around the flames. All the adults had no clue why the gaang insisted they spend their last night together in the Western Air Temple when they had the Fire Nation palace at their disposal but nobody had stopped them from going in the end. As it was the group felt it was necessary to go back to the place that had brought them all together before they all went their separate ways. The war may have officially ended five days ago with the fall of Ozai and Azula, but there was much more work to be done before the world would be entirely at peace. Work that would keep them all at different places for an indefinite amount of time. And thus the last night of 'campout' was needed; the goodbyes would be so much harder without one more chance to remind themselves that they were family.

Zuko leant his head against the pillar behind him and watched the rest of the gaang interact. Toph was betting Sokka that he couldn't fit three melons in his mouth and Suki was watching in amusement, ready to step in and help when the Water Tribe warrior started choking. Momo and Appa were both asleep on the edge of the courtyard, neither disturbed by Toph's loud jesting. Katara and Aang, however, broke the picture of peace. They were sitting a little apart from the rest, facing each other and obviously rapt up in a serious conversation. Both looked rather upset, and as he watched Katara's frown deepened. Aang leant in to kiss her, but Katara swerved away, staring resolutely at the ground. The newly appointed Firelord saw her mumble that she was still confused.

The Airbender took offence; Zuko could see the hurt written on his face even when it was turned away. Katara leant in and began talking to him in a quiet voice, obviously reminding them that they wouldn't see each other for ages, anyway. Aang's face turned stubborn and Katara sighed, leaning away and staring glumly at the flames instead. The Avatar rose stiffly from her side and walked over to where Sokka was attempting to stick a second melon in his mouth. Zuko turned his eyes away from the spectacle and back to Katara, who was still engrossed by the flames.

_There you see her, sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her  
And you don't know why but you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the girl. _

Katara's eyes flickered up and met his. A small, sad smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and he raised his eyebrow at her. She shook her head, her brunette hair falling in her face. He could tell that she was lying and that she was not fine but he didn't push the subject. She would come when and if she was ready to talk. She went back to looking at the fire, but Zuko could not make himself look away.

Katara _was _different, and not in a bad way. She was definitely Water Tribe, but he had seen Fire Nation in her too. She was passionate and wild and her eyes burned with blue fire every time she was mad. Seeing her so silent was strange and unsettling to him; she shouldn't be caged that way. An urge to make her smile or at least burn in anger overtook him, and before he could stop himself he imagined pulling her face to his. He imagined her surprised reaction, the way her eyes would widen and her shoulders would stiffen and her lips would soften under his as she gasped… Then he imagined the waterwhip that would knock him away from her and the onslaught that would follow to punish him for even thinking of dirtying her lips with his.

He laughed silently at his little fantasy and finally managed to drag his eyes away from her. He tried to shift so that he could see the moon better but doing so made the wound Azula had given him flare with pain. He bit his tongue, choked down the cry and forcefully shifted his body the way he had wanted it to go, showing it that his will still won. A shadow fell over him and he looked up to find Katara standing over him, a concerned look on her face. He mentally swore; of all the people to see his grimace… As she knelt down next to him he drew away, ready to refuse to be healed. She looked at him with an expression in her eyes that told him she was not going to take no for an answer. He sighed and obediently shrugged off his shirt.

_Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
It's possible she wants you too: there is one way to ask her  
It don't take a word, not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl _

He vaguely remembered being turned over by her hands as he lay wrapped in utter agony. He also remembered that the first thought he'd had was not relief that she would save him but wonder at how beautiful she really was. Now that he'd had that thought, it refused to leave him. As she focused on her glowing hands he stared at her face, taking in her dark skin and beautiful sapphire eyes. He'd always been told that Fire Nation girls were the prettiest in the world but now he knew that wasn't true.

She looked up and he couldn't drag his eyes away quick enough so he was forced to stare, captivated, into her eyes. She didn't look away or ask him why he was staring; she just stared right back. And in Zuko's mind he pictured himself leaning forward just a few inches… She was right there, right in front of him… Maybe… Just _maybe _she was confused because of him. Maybe his thoughts weren't so ridiculous. Maybe she wanted…

He turned his head sharply, staring resolutely at the moon. After a second's pause Katara continued to heal him as though nothing had happened.

_Shalalalala my oh my  
Looks like the boy's too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Shalalalala ain't that sad  
It's such a shame…  
__Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl _

When she had done all she could for him, Katara gently helped him back into his shirt. Her hands were soft and light and he found himself staring at them like an idiot. Just before she got up she smiled at him. This time there was a shyness to the smile, but no sadness. Again he was captivated by her stare, but this time it was her who moved away first. He watched her go with a twisting heart. He'd grown so used to having her around. He'd grown so used to having all of them around. He'd miss them all very much, but he'd miss her the most. He squared his shoulders and swore that if he was given the chance to do something alone with her the next day he would do it, no matter what it was. It would be his last chance.

The next morning they all drew lots to see who was fetching food. Katara offered to go and get some peaches from a tree she had seen growing on the other side of the river nearby. She insisted it would be easier for her, as she could maneuver herself over there with Waterbending. They all agreed happily, and then Zuko got his chance: she asked who wanted to come with her. He tried very hard not to seem too enthusiastic, but he still got a look from Toph. Katara, however, beamed her thanks at him and the two of them made their way down to the river. When they reached the water Katara created a slab of ice, just like she had the night they had gone off to find her mother's killer. Zuko stepped onto the block without fear this time, and she grinned at him at the slight déjà vu.

_Now's your moment, floating in a blue lagoon  
Boy, you better do it soon: no time will be better  
She don't say a word and she won't say a word  
Until you kiss the girl _

They moved slowly across the river; Katara seemed to be enjoying the trip. He couldn't help but smile at the serene look on her face as she crouched on the ice and lazily waved her arms so they drifted forwards. She caught him smiling and she blushed, looking away. He continued to look at her, trying to see if there was any sadness on her face.

She was too quiet. Usually she would be able to talk easily to him about almost everything but right then she wasn't saying a word. It was as though she'd seen something that made her not want to talk to him. He wanted to know what it was; he actually missed her voice. His brow furrowed as he went over the possibilities. Everything he thought of was either far-fetched or no cause for her to stop talking to him. He was lost.

She must have felt his gaze because she looked up at him again. Her own brow furrowed as she saw his expression, but she did not ask him what was wrong. Instead she stared at him in the same way he had been staring at her; trying to figure him out. They were so intently wrapped up in each other's gaze that they both nearly tumbled off the ice when they ran into the opposite bank. Laughing and blushing they both stepped onto the soil and headed for the small orchard of trees that Katara had spotted.

__

Shalalalala my oh my  
Looks like the boy's too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Shalalalala ain't that sad  
It's such a shame  
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl

They worked side-by-side in utter silence, each one of them holding a basket under their arm in which they placed the peaches they picked. Sometimes they reached at the same time and their hands brushed or their thighs touched. Every time it was as though an electric shock jolted through Zuko's body. He was finding it more and more difficult not to look at her, but he knew he had to fight the urge. Because if he did look at her he would see her lips and then he'd want to… He clenched his teeth and forced his mind to think only of peaches.

_Shalalalala don't be scared  
You better be prepared: go on and kiss the girl  
Shalalalala don't stop now  
Don't try to hide it how  
You wanna kiss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl_

It was harder than he expected to get the ripe peaches, and after a while he started to sweat as the sun baked down on his back. Finally he couldn't take it any longer and he removed his shirt, careful not to aggravate the lightning wound. As he pulled the material over his head he was sure he heard Katara stifle a gasp but when he looked at her she was focused solely on a rather high peach, her face flushed because of the sun.

He watched her stretch for the fruit and the butterflies returned to his stomach. Agni, but she was beautiful. Not in the usual, vain way but in a way that mixed his thoughts up and made him think of insane things. Like actually grabbing her and… He tried to turn back to his own picking, but found that his earlier predictions were true; now that he was looking at her he could not stop.

_Lalalala, Lalalala  
Go on and kiss the girl_

Swallowing rather loudly he strode forwards and picked the peach she was aiming for. She turned in surprise and he held the fruit out to her. She did not take it but instead stood, frozen, as they again looked at each other. He saw her chest rise and fall quicker as her heart rate increased. She was so close he could almost count every one of her eyelashes… Gently he dropped the peach into her basket, which she had put down by her feet. She watched the fruit's fall with him, an unreadable expression on her face.

_Lalalala, Lalalala  
Go on and **kiss the girl **_

Zuko's hands shot out and grabbed her shoulders, yanking her body towards his. Before she had time to do more than ready herself to gasp his lips were on hers. He molded his mouth to hers and shut his eyes, not wanting to see her reaction as his heart leapt and rejoiced inside his chest at the feeling and taste of the Waterbender.

__

Shalalalala my oh my  
Looks like the boy's too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Shalalalala ain't that sad  
it's such a shame  
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl

He felt Katara's hands rise towards him and he readied himself for the blow. But what he got instead of a hard slap was her hands around his neck. This surprised him so much that he froze and backed up a little. Katara made a little impatient noise and dragged him back towards her. And then she was kissing him back, and he had to admit that even in his wildest imaginings kissing her had not felt even half as wonderful as it did.

_Lalalala, Lalalala  
Go on and kiss that girl!  
Lalalala, Lalalala  
Go on and kiss the girl  
Kiss the girl  
_

His hands wove into her hair, something they had been itching to do for a long time, and her grip on his neck tightened. Her lips whispered with his without hesitation or complaint and even through the bliss and relief and happiness a thought popped into his head that made him feel smug as well: _She is so not confused now. _

_Go on and kiss the girl_

* * *

**AN 2: **I would love to be the one saying those song lyrics to Zuko. Except I wouldn't be singing, I'd be yelling. With a metal object in my hands to emphasize the point:

"DAMMIT ZUKO STOP BEING SO #!*$#% AND **KISS HER ALREADY**!"

Again, go and at least READ the lyrics to **Fall For You**. For me, please.


	8. Gotta Get Through This

**AN: **I've been told off.

AsianBanana sent me a PM that said, in a very nice and caring way that actually left me feeling pretty loved, that I should get off my lazy rear end and write something because I haven't spewed out anything in ages.

Now I feel I need to defend myself: School is the mother of all bees with itches. They said senior year was going to be bad but I **never **expected this… So that's my excuse. The Torturous Teachers have been on my case 24/7, killing all plot bunnies and banishing my muse with their new and terrifying weapon called Exams.

But when AsianBanana wrote I couldn't refuse her. She asked for a Mai-Zuko-Katara love triangle and instead of that my muse gave me this. I think it's still sulking for being shut away. And although this is short and all kinds of crappy you'll probably see a bit more of me pretty soon: I only need a few more reviews before I owe somebody a oneshot as a prize.

So, without further ado, here is the long-awaited return of myself and the even longer-awaited return of my Songfics. If anybody actually was waiting for them to return. This one is set to **"Gotta Get Thru This" **by Daniel Bedingfeild. Yeah, I know. I'm not a fan either. But I saw the lyrics on a friend's book and they fit this situation well. Hope you like. Reviews will be adored.

Excuse the mistakes- I didn't edit this before I posted. Ran out of time and patience for this piece :/

**Disclaimer: **Avatar still doesn't belong to me. This is written purely for my own love.

"Gotta Get Thru This" belongs to Mr B.

* * *

**Gotta Get Through This**

_If only I could get through this  
If only I could get through this  
I gotta get through this _

They were staring at each other. Just staring. Two pairs of similar gold eyes locked on to one another in a sort of desperate attempt to hold on to the last bit of themselves they had. Neither of them spoke or made a sound above breathing; chests heaving as the aftermath and actual weight of the moment crashed down on them. She could still taste the last words she'd said, and they were bitter on her tongue. Ugly. Hateful. Unthinkable.

But true. She couldn't be with him.

Honesty killed, sometimes.

Slowly, so very slowly she could barely see it happen, he nodded his head. And that one movement broke their eye contact. The last threads binding them were starting to be cut. She couldn't stand the pain on his face. She'd done that. Why did she always seem to hurt people like that? Why couldn't she feel, express herself, learn to let go and love and just hold every bit of him in her like he wanted, needed, deserved? Why couldn't she be more trusting, more optimistic, more ready to risk everything for him because he was worth risking for?

Why couldn't she be more like Katara?

But her internal questions had no answers. Her brain instead tried to push the guilt away. It hadn't only been her. He'd been stubborn and unwilling and just too angry and selfish and…

And, and, and.

They had torn it apart together. It had happened so suddenly and yet so gradually that neither of them had noticed the rift until it was too late. And by then the desperate attempts to heal the void were doomed to make it worse even before they began. She could see that now. She knew he could too. But it didn't make it any better. In fact, it only made it worse; they had been destined to fall apart like this. And, because of both of their natures, it had taken a month of screaming and fighting before the truth tore itself from one of them. She just wished he had said it first. They both knew it inside, but saying it made it final.

"_We can't do this. There isn't anything left anymore. I'm sorry, but I'm breaking up with you." _

Finally she moved, dragging her tired and suddenly heavy body toward the door. She knew some servants would pack her things and send them to her. She wondered who would get the sword Sokka had made them as a celebration of being a couple for two years. He watched her leave. She could tell by the way she felt his eyes on her that some of her truth had been wrong: there was something still between them. Memories. And pain. And echoes of what had been, what they both wanted. It would take time for them to fully cut the strings.

As she closed the door behind her, Mai wept.

_I gotta get through this  
I gotta make it, gotta make it, gotta make it through  
Said I'm gonna get through this_

Sokka's natural curiosity had started from a very young age. She could remember the millions of questions he used to ask their father while trailing after him like a polarbeardog pup. Hakoda had always been patient in explaining the world to his son, but sometimes he couldn't bite back a chuckle. One such time had been when Sokka asked if Waterbenders had more tears in their bodies to help them make friends with the water so they could move it. Hakoda had tossed back his wild head and laughed his bear-laugh before telling the little boy that Waterbenders had no more tears than any other people.

She knew on that day that her father had been wrong.

Her element poured from her eyes, staining her cheeks and shaking her entire body. A part of her bewildered mind couldn't understand why she didn't rattle while she shook. She was empty, after all. Empty of everything except the pieces of her heart. It had broken. Shattered. Blown apart like a mound of blastingjelly in its prime.

She was a warrior. She was strong. She had survived the Great War and countless battles without too much injury. She was proud that nothing so far had touched her. Nothing had broken any part of her. She had beaten them all with a righteous viciousness that her father said would make her mother proud. Against all the odds and all the danger she had come out on top.

And then, in the time of peace, came the words that destroyed everything.

She tried searching for the warning signs that the destruction was looming closer. She couldn't find any, no matter how hard she searched. Yes, they hadn't seen much of each other. Yes, they'd fought. Yes they'd spoken with each other and found that their plans differed a little bit. Yes, she'd always been fully aware of who he was and what that entailed. But those things had been normal. Everybody went through it. She'd never wanted to lose him, even when she was at her very angriest. She'd never dreamed of hearing the words he'd told her today. She'd never wanted it to end.

Not _really_.

And what, by the spirits, was she supposed to do now? She couldn't remember not being part of a bigger whole out in the big wild world. It had first been her and her brother, then Aang had joined in and then Toph and Suki and all the rest. And when all of them broke off from the whole after the war to form smaller wholes of their own she'd still been left with Aang. She'd still been his, and it had been easy and wonderful.

But now she was alone.

She'd sworn after her mother died that she'd never let herself be alone ever again. That promise- like so many other things- was broken. And that was the biggest reason why she cried.

It killed her even more to know that, somewhere in the Bei Fong's huge and beautiful house, the Avatar wept too. She hated herself for hurting him. Hated herself for wanting to comfort him after he'd made it so clear that…

She hated that she was alone but still tied to him with bonds that were now constricting the air out of her.

_I'm gonna get through this  
I gotta take my, take my mind off you_

For three days nothing anybody had said or done had really broken through Katara's haze. She'd spent most of the first day in her room, buried under the blankets and refusing to speak to anybody. Nobody knew how to handle the situation; they were still in shock over the happenings. And the fact that all of them were friends with both Aang and the Waterbender made it even more difficult. After a while they decided to stay clear and let things run their course.

Katara had noticed none of this. The world was nothing but a blur of black and white that was unimportant. She was too busy trying to keep herself under control to perceive anything but the basics; the door was closed so she had to open it, the food was hot so she shouldn't eat it just yet, the wind was blowing on her so she should close the window.

That all changed when Zuko arrived.

She'd glanced up out of pure reflex when he entered, but as soon as she saw him her attention was hooked. His eyes met hers and understanding shivered through them at once. Suddenly the Waterbender was more aware of where she was and what she was doing. She watched him with keen interest as he forced polite conversation and then escaped outside to the darkness and the silence.

She was drawn to his side like the tide was drawn to the moon.

It didn't take them long to elaborate on the moment of clarity they'd shared when he'd arrived. The same thing had happened to him, she learned. His heart was gone, just like hers. To her horror and embarrassment she'd started crying again as she sat beside him. To her surprise he said nothing but held her, his strong and warm arms encircling her in an embrace that she'd missed even before her heart had broken.

They stayed under the stars together all night.

_Give me just a second and I'll be alright  
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart_

It felt like they were making excuses to see each other. At first she put it down to coincidence but after a while she could not deny that she was actively seeking him out. In a bid to explain it she put it down to the old saying that 'misery loves company'. He was hurting just like she was, even though he did not show it. Where her face would crumple at the sound of Aang's name or at the reminder of some place and some time that had been happy once, he just bore it all with grim silence.

After being around him for a week she could see the pain in his eyes, though.

The week stretched into two and they abandoned all pretences and spent every minute they could with each other. They taught each other of their cultures, their homes. They told stories that hurt and stories that brought laughter. They fished and trained and fought and made up and she wondered how she could ever have hated the golden fire that greeted her every morning with a smile. He, in turn, wondered how he could ever have mistaken her for a mere peasant. They hid nothing from each other except some bits of the past that were physically impossible to bring up.

Or so they thought.

One of their midnight walks outside suddenly and inexplicably found them dancing, the steps unsophisticated and made up on the spot. And as she whirled she laughed and forgot about her heart and her lost love and the world around her. And just when she thought things had reached their climax he was closer to her than he'd been since the catacombs.

And she couldn't stop herself.

She had to kiss him.

Warmth. Explosions. Bubbling happiness. Peace. Healing. Safety. All transferred over to her by two spicy, warm lips.

And then she remembered gray, laughing eyes and kisses so like the one she was currently having. And she felt his slight confusion as her lips responded differently to the ones he was used to. The ones he was still bonded to.

She couldn't help but run from him. There was nothing else she could do. If she stayed a grave mistake would have been made. She needed to sort through it all. It appeared her heart was back but it was hurting so much she wished it had stayed gone.

What was the point of being taught about love again if it wasn't fully hers?

_Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay  
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight_

They avoided each other for the next few days. Words never came when you really needed them. And then they found each other outside again, in the darkest part of a moonless night that displayed both their helplessness beautifully. His reaction to her presence was a lot of cutting words and hard glares. She knew him well enough after three years to understand that it was just his way of pouring out the pain, betrayal and confusion he must be feeling.

That knowledge didn't stop her from getting mad at him. He always made her so mad.

"_I'm _not _going to be your rebound girl! I won't! If I start loving you I want to know that it's real, not some survival mechanism. If I start loving you I need to know you love me back." _

He'd stared at her in a sort of stunned silence before doing something he rarely did; laugh. She'd been shocked, then hurt, and then furious. At her demands to know what was so funny he'd just smiled and stroked the corner of her eye.

"_You're Fire Nation. I can see it inside your soul. Katara, it's too late. We've already started loving each other_."

She couldn't argue with his truth. But he couldn't argue with hers, either. They were both too bound to heartache and old love to ever be good for each other. And although her heart told her it was the end and her tears told her she'd been stupid to let him go, she clung to the hope of his last words like a lifesaver.

"_I'll wait_._" _

_When your love is pouring like the rain  
I close my eyes and it's gone again_

They pretended it had never happened. The weeks wore on and their promises faded into half-remembered memories. He would dream of that night all the time, seeing her in his mind like she was when she was bending. He could remember every bit of their first and only kiss. He could remember how she tasted and felt and burned like fiery water when she confronted him. And then he woke up and stared into the darkness and remembered how it had ended.

_When will I get the chance to say I love you?  
I pretend that you're already mine_

Nobody thought she had a lot of things to regret in her life. But she did. There were some things she hated her reflection for every morning. As time moved on and she learned to function as part of only herself in the big world she began to wonder if letting him go was one of the things she would glare at herself for in years to come.

But Katara was always the optimist.

So she pushed away the doubt and the guilt and the regret and focused on him. She focused on the future, when her heart was healed again. She focused on the words she was going to say, the way she'd make his stubborn head realize what she felt and meant and promised. She focused on his coming as though she would see him at any minute. And she focused on her heart, searching it every morning for answers about love, loss, bonds and heartache.

Every day her heart changed a little bit more.

_And my heart ain't breaking every time  
I look into your eyes _

Because of this she'd been excited and keyed up when she heard that more visitors had arrived on Kyoshi Island. She'd been planning on staying only a week but Sokka and Suki refused to let her leave. She'd seen the sails and thought that maybe, maybe, it was finally time.

And then she had entered the room with the loud voices and her eyes had met a pair of gray ones.

The second thing she saw was his hand entwined in the pretty girl's who stood at her side.

And she was breaking again. Drowning. Hating herself for crying even as the tears refused to stop.

It was worse that he was sorry for hurting her but not sorry enough to pretend his heart didn't belong to his new girl.

_If only I could get through this  
If only I could get through this_

Every time they smiled at each other or held each other she felt another dagger squeeze into her heart. Every time the tears stopped the jealousy followed. Every time the jealousy reached breaking point the guilt would stop it in its tracks. Every time the guilt welled up she would remember gold eyes and a husky promise in the darkest part of a moonless night.

And the tears would start again.

_If only I could get through this  
Agni, Agni, you gotta help me get through this_

Zuko had always known the spirits hated him. The scars on his body from his horrid childhood and most of his teenage years attested to that. But he'd been so sure they would leave him alone, at least, after the war ended.

Apparently they loved being cruel.

Why else would Mai have chosen that very month to vacation at Ember Island as well? Why else would she have the little house right next to his? Why else would his Uncle- in a bout of naïve hospitality- invite her over for tea? Why else would she arrive not alone, as planned, but with a man? Why else would the man be her new boyfriend?

He'd been behaved all throughout the tea. Painfully polite. Looking anywhere but her. Assuring his Uncle's worried and apologetic glances with forgiving ones of his own. He nearly broke the cup when they kissed each other 'secretly' in the other room. But he refrained from showing any anger other than causing the torches to flicker.

And then he was seeing them out, feeling relieved and broken all at once. And he happened to glance up at the sky. The moon stared back.

At the reminder of her and her blue eyes and her kiss, he snapped and trashed the whole house.

His uncle let him, eyes full of ancient sadness.

_I gotta get through this  
I gotta get through this_

Katara was a healer. She should have seen it coming.

The tears lessened as the days wore on, but she was too busy trying to make herself not think of Aang that she didn't notice. She refused to read the communal letter Zuko and Iroh sent to all of them. She refused to be in Aang's company more than she absolutely needed to.

And then, one night, she ran out of excuses and was forced to spend the evening with him and his girl. The next night the same thing happened without her having any knowledge of how it happened. And the next. And the next. And suddenly she was finding she didn't have to make excuses any more. Things flowed easier; the stream was running again.

She was still cautious, though. Still waiting for the breaking point where she would attack the pretty little face of the girl and demand for her to back off. It was because of that caution that she didn't let herself think of the implications of Iroh's next letter that stated Mai was getting married and Zuko had agreed to be present and give his honest blessing upon their relationship.

She couldn't blot out the news that Zuko was also coming to Kyoshi.

_I gotta make it, gotta make it, gotta make it through  
Said I'm gonna get through this_

She made herself scarce when Zuko arrived. Didn't even see him the whole afternoon. And by the time she made herself join the rest of the group downstairs he'd already excused himself to go and sit outside. The rest were in a party mood, and some of their happiness rubbed off on her, despite the circumstances.

And then, the unthinkable happened.

Aang asked her to dance.

Before she knew what she was doing she'd accepted, like she had in the cave so long ago. And they were whirling around each other, gray eyes locked to blue. And she was waiting, with a sinking heart, for the pain and memories and tears.

They didn't come.

After the dance he hugged her and then bounded up to his girlfriend and gave her a big kiss right in the middle of the room. She felt nothing.

And she began to laugh.

_I'm gonna get through this_

When she was done laughing she let herself outside without so much as a word of goodbye to the partying group of her loved ones. The moon was bright and leant light to the world and so it didn't take her long to find him. She watched him shoot fire into the darkness, body coiled and controlled.

The fire was warm, not hot; he was in no more pain.

He turned to her calmly and watched her, face blank but eyes smoldering. She walked towards him, her smile growing wider with each step. Neither of them said a word and neither of them broke the gaze. The corner of his mouth twitched up in a smile.

Katara stopped about an inch from Zuko's body and looked up at him with her smile blazing in her eyes.

And then she kissed him, smiling still. Her hands wound into his hair. His arms wound around her waist.

Their hearts wound around each other, finally unbroken and unbound.

_I won't take, won't take my mind off you_


	9. Riot

**AN: **It appears that this whole 'being on a ten day holiday' thing is exciting my muse. I've written two oneshots in two days. True, they aren't exactly any good, but we won't dwell on the negative, shall we?

This one is based loosely on two songs by Three Days Grace, namely _Riot _and _Just Like You_. And I do mean loosely- they helped set the mood while I was typing but that's about it. No lyrics or anything in here. Breathe a sigh of relief, if you want. Go on.

Deffie, this one was inspired by you. I was thinking over your very wonderful excuses not to update TCR and then about what you said about extra chapters. And I found myself thinking, "What if _The Southern Raiders_ ended differently? What if they were actually caught?" And… tada! The fic was born. Hopefully this inspires you or something… I dunno… *shrug*

Hope you guys like it at least a little. Sorry how they got there isn't explained well. I was going to go back and add that in after I was done but by the end I was bored and a little ticked with this so I just wrote it off. Lol. I do that a lot…

**Diclaimer: **Avatar is Bryke and Nick's. The songs belong to Three Days Grace.

* * *

**Riot**

Katara could admit that she was a pretty emotional person. It was not, as far as she was concerned, a bad thing. Feeling was what made people human, what bred love and kindness. Being able to express your emotions kept you from becoming cold and shut off to the world. It kept you sane if you were able to release the heavy weight of emotion that had settled on your chest. She knew that she was good with that: she was good with feeling.

But she doubted she'd ever felt so much in the space of twenty-four hours before. She'd gone from irritated to intrigued to hopeful to angry to disappointed to livid to vengeful to disgusted to confused and then to some form of grudging acceptance, laced with pain that nearly took her breath away. But before she could work through that her primary emotion had changed again.

To fear.

Now that fear was eating her gut and causing her heart to thud an unknown rhythm in her chest. She sat, hunched up, with her back pressed against the cold metal wall. Her frame was shaking and she wasn't sure whether it was from fear or cold; the prison was freezing. Her blue eyes darted around the room, searching for anything at all. Her search was always in vain: the room was so dark she couldn't see her hand if she lifted it in front of her face. She suddenly thought of wild animals, and wondered if Fire Nation ships held any that would be attracted by blood. She wasn't bleeding any more but she could feel dry blood caked to the side of her face. Her captors had hurt her other places- her shoulder smarted, her lower arm was badly bruised and her legs were cut and battered- but she'd only bled from one place, something she was entirely grateful for.

If she'd been hurt worse she would possibly have died there. She had no means to heal herself; they'd taken every scrap of water away. She couldn't help but remember Hama and how she'd had the same thing happen to her. Was she going to be left to rot in the hold of the ship like Hama had rotted in her cage? Would there be no way out? Would she go insane without any company, without any power over anything?

But… She shouldn't be alone. For the first time in a while, her fear gave way to something else. Guilt. Zuko had warned her to keep quiet. He'd warned her the Southern Raiders could be looking for them after they'd trashed one of their ships. He'd told her to let her petty argument go and just find Appa so they could get out of there, already. But she hadn't listened. She'd been so upset about the man she'd confronted only minutes ago and about the raging and conflicting emotions about the Firebender that were in her that all she wanted to do was fight him. And so she'd stood fast, stubbornly, and yelled even louder at him. And Zuko, for reasons unknown, had not run away and saved himself. Instead he'd stayed and tried to save her.

They'd both been captured. So suddenly that not even the ex-prince had seen it coming. And all she could think after she'd lost her battle and was dragged to an un-trashed Southern Raiders ship, bound and bleeding and sore, was that she should have listened to him. She hadn't seen him since she was bound. And although she had no real concept of time she was sure that had been ages ago- she was hungry and stiff where she sat. And now that the Waterbender's mind was on her companion, fear for him gripped her. Where was he? Were they treating him better because he was one of them- their royalty? Was he trying to bargain his way out? Was he imprisoned somewhere else?

Or was he selling them out? Was he telling the Raiders about Aang and where to find him? Was he walking around somewhere outside, having left her to die alone?

A part of her mind rebelled against the idea at once. He wouldn't abandon her.

_Oh, really? Don't you remember Ba Sing Se? _a snide voice started at the back of her head.

That was before. He's been trying so hard to make up for that… she argued back.

He's a good actor. You know that. He's Fire Nation! He helped kill Aang, and he's been after him for as long as you've known him!

But he helped Aang now. He taught him Firebending, took him to see the dragons…

He can't be trusted. You know that.

I used to know that…

_You've forgiven him! You've started trusting him! _

…No… I…

_Yes! All those thoughts you had earlier about how wrong you've been? _

I didn't… I don't… I mean I…

_You wait. You'll regret starting to warm up to him over these past few days. You'll see. He's left you to die and betrayed Aang. He's betrayed you again_.

Miserably she curled up into a tighter ball. She hadn't even been captured for a day and already she was having an argument with herself. She forced her thoughts away from Zuko and on to her other companion. She hoped Appa was okay and still free. She hoped he would stay that way and be wise enough to return to Aang when she and Zuko did not return. She hoped that if he didn't that Aang and the rest would come looking for them sometime. She hoped she'd still be okay then and that the rest of them wouldn't be captured. She hoped Zuko hadn't…

No, no, no. She couldn't think about the worst. She had to try and remain positive. Otherwise they would have her and she would never really be free again.

Katara wasn't sure how much longer she sat there drowning in her own thoughts. She may have fallen asleep from cold and exhaustion because the next thing she was clearly aware of was the sound of the door opening. The soldier opening the door did not let it bang, but after sitting in silence for so long the sound was so loud that Katara jumped a mile. The next thing that came was the light. It was blinding to her and yet she was so relieved it was there she could have cried. Hungrily she blinked as the light grew brighter. She heard footsteps and the sound of something being dragged along the ground.

"Stop him there," a harsh voice barked.

Finally able to see, Katara flickered her eyes around the room quickly. Her prison was smaller than she'd first thought, a mere storage room that would only just fit Appa. The bars that made up her prison were strong and sliced across roughly the center of the room, creating an impenetrable barrier between her and the door. Four men had entered the room, two of them carrying large torches that flickered merrily. The third man had hold of the something that had been dragging on the ground and the fourth was the man that Katara recognised as the captain she had attacked earlier. One of the torchbearers glanced at her but the others paid her no heed.

"Show him the cage," the captain barked.

The men moved slightly to the side and the one holding the object jerked it forward so Katara could finally see what it was. She was so very sure that her heart stopped beating for a few moments. Zuko's bowed head rose tiredly and his eyes came to rest upon her. His face was bloody and bruised and it looked as if raising his head was a task. When he saw her his gold eyes raked over every inch of her body where it was rooted to the spot in horror and surprise. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw his tense shoulders relaxed and his head dipped down a bit more.

"You're going to rot in there," the captain told him in a cold voice. "You will stay there until we remember about you. And then you will be sent to the Boiling Rock. We will beat you and we will starve you. And while that is what you deserve, _traitor_"- he spat at Zuko's head-"we will offer you one more chance to get a better deal."

Zuko raised his head again and twisted it so he was half-looking at the captain. He didn't seem to want to move his body. The Fire Nation man sneered at him, spreading his arms out to convey to Zuko that it was his choice. Zuko calmly sucked in a breath and called the captain some names that made Katara's ears burn. The next moment he was on the ground, the captain's foot imbedded in his side. He didn't make a sound but Katara could see how his face twisted. It drove a dagger into her heart.

"Throw him with the other scum. And make sure you leave no water behind when you go."

The cage was unlocked and Katara attempted to scramble to her feet so she could try and escape. But her legs were hurt and numb from the cold and so she got nowhere near close to standing. Zuko was thrown roughly in and the cage was roughly closed again, locked tight and impenetrable. Katara paid the Fire Nation men no heed as they sneered at Zuko and checked the room for any sign of water. Her attention was on the Firebender a few feet away from her, waiting for him to get up from where he'd fallen. He didn't move more than a twitch.

"Zuko." She found herself crawling toward him. "Zuko."

Ever since he'd joined them she'd made sure she kept a safe distance from him. She'd promised herself she would never touch him unless she was attacking him. But right then she broke the promise, running her hands over his hair and unscarred cheek as the darkness consumed them again. She wasn't really sure why she was touching him. Partially to be sure he was still breathing and partially to assure herself she was not alone, she supposed.

"Wh…?" His voice was cracked and hoarse.

"Are you okay?" Somehow she couldn't bring herself to speak above a whisper.

"Yes." A pause. "Are you?"

"I'm fine. Just cold. And hungry. And scared."

She wanted to kick herself as soon as the last bit was out of her mouth. Why on earth did she tell him that? She was so stupid! She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. Zuko was silent for a moment and then she felt him shifting. Suddenly there was the sound of tearing material.

"What are you doing?" Katara asked him in surprise.

Again he didn't answer but she felt him shifting some more and then there was the sound of rustling. Suddenly, light flared right in front of her, causing her to yelp and jump. Zuko held a crudely made torch in his hands, made from a piece of his shirt and a dagger that he'd gotten Spirits-knew-where.

"We're going to have to make a new one in a while," Zuko said, sticking the dagger's tip in a crack in the floor so the torch stayed upright.

He was moving weirdly and Katara found her eyes traveling back to him. She almost instantly wished she hadn't looked. With growing horror she reached out and pulled Zuko's torn shirt up a bit more so she could look at his stomach. His abdomen was bruised and lacerated and she could almost feel how much it must be hurting him. No wonder he hadn't sat up yet!

"What did they do to you?" she whispered.

"Nothing."

He firmly pushed her hands away and began pushing himself upright. This time he couldn't hide the hiss of pain or the way his face clenched. Instantly she was touching him again, helping him up and gently pulling him towards the wall so he could lean against it. It was an indication of how much he was hurting that he didn't protest to her help. When he was seated with his back firmly against the wall he let his head loll back and he closed his eyes. His breathing was far too irregular.

"Where does it hurt?"

It sounded like such a mothering question, but she couldn't help but ask it. Even though she knew she couldn't make it better, she had to try. It was her fault they were there. She'd been the one who'd wanted revenge. She'd been the one who'd refused to shut up. Zuko opened his good eye as far as the bruised flesh around it would allow and gave her a confused look. She supposed her sudden concern must have thrown him; she'd been nothing but hostile before.

Guilt rose like a bad tasting poison in her. It only intensified when she saw again how awkwardly he sat, how stiff and sore he was. How could she ever have thought that he'd betray her?

"Relax," he told her. "I've seen worse."

Unbidden, curiosity flooded her mind. She wanted to ask him where he'd seen worse and why he'd seen it. She wanted to ask him about the bits missing from her history of him. She wanted to ask what had happened those times he'd disappeared from their journey. But she held her tongue. Instead, she asked something else that was just as pressing to her.

"Why… Why did they… do this to you? Why not me?" She was a little afraid they would return for her at any minute.

Zuko gave her a wry smile. "On the day my nation got attacked I abandoned them and denounced my father to go and join the Fire Nation's most sworn enemy. Not only is that something of a personal offence to them but I also happen to know where the Avatar is. They were under the impression I was going to tell them what I knew and they got mad like little kids when they were proved wrong."

Another stab of guilt ran through her and she had to fight against the images her mind was conjuring to go with his explanation. His eyes were drifting closed again and she knew she had to ask what she wanted before he fell asleep.

"But I know where the Avatar is too. Surely they must have made that connection?"

"They probably have. But some of them are Firebenders so it's easier for them to block my attacks than yours, especially seeing as the sun has been down for hours now. And they're not complete idiots; they know the moon is full. So they don't want to challenge you; we're in the middle of an ocean, after all."

His voice grew fainter as he carried on and his head lolled to the side. She kept herself silent, allowing him to sleep. Spirits knew he needed it. She didn't even want to think what would happen to him the next day. And what would happen to _her _when the Southern Raiders decided she was no longer a threat? She tried to suppress a shiver but all she ended up doing was half jerking and letting out a strange noise. Zuko's eyes slowly cracked open and focused on her with some difficulty.

"What was that?"

"A shiver." When he carried on looking blankly at her she added, "It's cold down here, okay?"

"Really? I can't feel it. We can regulate our temperatures to a certain degree," he explained to her raised eyebrow.

To prove his point he reached out and touched her shoulder. Even through her clothes she could feel the warmth of his hand. At once she wanted it; craved it. Subconsciously she leaned in and he gave her a dry smirk.

"You can sit closer, you know. I'm not going to bite you or anything. Despite what you think."

For a moment her anger flared up and she considered putting him in his place and refusing to go anywhere near him. But he looked so pale and so… limp. And he did actually have a good point. And he was very warm… Swallowing her pride she cautiously scooted nearer. His warmth washed over her and she nearly sighed in relief. He didn't move, just smiled ever so slightly. And, all of a sudden, she wanted to take back everything she'd done to him since he joined them.

"Why did you take me to Yon Rha?" she asked him quietly.

"You deserved to find him. Sometimes people are given the right to riot against something. And you earned that right. I know I would have wanted it if it were possible." She was going to reply but he continued. "And… I had to make up for what I did. Somehow. I know it doesn't really fix what happened but… I wanted you to be ready to forgive me."

Again she was hit with a million conflicting emotions. Why was it that one Firebender could make her so unsure of what she was feeling? Why could he turn her world upside down so easily? Why was he the exception to her rules, her ideas on people? For a long time she mulled it over, perusing every possibility and every feeling in her. But even though she tried to scrape through it all she only came to one conclusion in the end: she was ready to forgive him. She turned to tell him this but found him asleep, his mouth slightly open as he breathed heavily.

She smiled a thin smile and let her own head rest against the wall. She was warm now, and strangely peaceful…

The door banging open jerked her back awake. For a while she was disorientated, blinking in the near darkness and afraid of the unfamiliar place. Then she remembered and she became more afraid. She felt Zuko jerk awake beside her but her attention stayed focused on the door. The light that was coming closer with the footsteps was the only light in the room- their torch had burned out while they'd slept.

This time it was only the captain and two other men that stepped into the room. One was a common soldier who carried two torches and the keys to her cell. The other man immediately caused anger and hatred to seer through her body.

"Are those the same people who attacked you, sir?" the captain asked.

"That's them," Yon Rha told him, eyes narrowed and mouth sneering.

Katara had never been one to swear, but right then she had a million words at the tip of her tongue, ready to fling them at the hateful monster in front of her. She let a few of them out, wishing each one was a dart full of poison. The men just laughed and the solider even ignored her so he could fit the torches into sockets on the wall. The captain motioned for him to open the cell. He did so and Katara flew at him. She was forced to roll away when the captain sent a jet of fire at her.

"Little wrench! You'll get your turn, just you wait."

It was only when she heard Zuko begin to swear that she fully grasped what was happening. She pushed herself to her feet again and tried to help him, but she found she was locked in. All she could do was watch in horror as Zuko's efforts to fight back were met with abuse. Her ears suddenly started ringing, and she couldn't hear what the men were yelling or what Zuko was answering back. All she saw was Zuko being struck again and again while the solider stood back and watched. She felt sick at the sight of his blood. Tears poured unchecked down her face and the room spun sickeningly. It was a nightmare. It had to be. She saw Zuko's mouth gape open and knew that they'd finally gotten him to cry out in pain. Strong, stubborn Zuko had cried out in pain.

_You see? You see what they're doing? _Hama's voice whispered in the back of her mind.

Yes. Yes, I do see.

We have to fight these people whenever we can, wherever they are, with any means necessary.

I remember. You did say that to me.

_They threw me in prison to rot, along with my brothers and sisters. They deserve the same! _

They do. They hurt so many people. And Zuko… Oh spirits they're hurting him now…

_You must carry on my work. _

Yes, yes she must. It didn't matter that the moon wasn't completely full. It was full enough.

Her hands stopped clenching around the bars and instead she held them out in front of her. They were steady and she was no longer crying. All there was place for inside of her was rage and hate. They would pay. They had to pay.

First she copied Hama's escape. The soldier with the keys was unguarded so it was very easy to pull him under her control. His attempts to fight her off were so pathetic she actually smirked. She used his own hand to cover his mouth and silence his cries and then she made him walk towards her. She took savage pleasure in knocking his head against the bars so he passed out. Then she was fiddling with the keys and she was free, as easy as that.

Her first step out of her cage brought rushing strength into her body. She was free, and she was powerful. They would pay. She would make them. Both the captain and Yon Rha froze in their actions as her hands did their work. They began yelping but she paid no attention to what they were saying. Slowly and deliberately she brought them to their knees before her. The captain tried to wriggle away and she rewarded him by breaking a rib. It was that easy; she thought about it, clenched her hand a bit and a bone in his body broke. She could hear his howls of pain.

"Yes, that's right," she told them in a dangerously calm voice. "You're not the only ones who can be monsters. I can be just like you."

Yon Rha began to speak and she tightened the blood in his throat, so he began to splutter and then choke, looking at her with wide eyes as he struggled to breathe. The captain stopped struggling- he was beginning to understand what they were up against.

"Do you know what I can do to you?" Katara asked them, still in her soft voice. "I can make you do _anything _I want. I can make you stab yourselves. I can make you drown yourselves. I can make you kill your _families _if I wanted. Then they would see first hand the _monsters _you are!"

She dragged them closer to her slowly, her eyes spitting fire. She couldn't stand their whimpering and their pleading so she made them close their mouths. All she could see was their wide, pleading and silent eyes as she drew them closer to her on their bellies like the slime they were.

Two arms grabbed her wrists from behind and she automatically lashed out with her elbow. Zuko groaned in her ear as she made contact with his already battered side but he did not let go. Instead, he came closer until he was almost hugging her.

"Stop it," he told her quietly.

"No," she growled back. To her frustration and surprise she felt tears begin to form.

"Katara, stop it. You don't want to do this."

"Yes I do!" The tears began to fall. "They deserve this! I should have killed Yon Rha like I said I was going to! And now both of them will _die_."

"You were never going to kill Yon Rha. You and I both know that. You just thought you had to. Let it go."

She trembled in his arms, feeling the hate burn inside of her like a fire. She remembered Hama's eyes and the look in there, and for the first time she understood why the woman had done what she had. But she couldn't forget her horror and her disgust. Suddenly she felt very dirty and with a snarl she knocked the two men before her unconscious. She was weeping freely as she lowered her hands and gripped Zuko's wrists back. She needed to know that he was there- that he wasn't running from her because she was a monster.

Abruptly exhaustion overcame her; the bending had been too much. She swayed and automatically sought support from the person still holding her from behind. But Zuko was barely keeping himself upright. As soon as her weight leant on him he toppled, pulling them both to the ground. She felt him curl in automatically to try and ward off the pain and she felt suddenly alarmed. She found his eyes a few inches from hers.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Then again, for everything that had happened: "I'm so sorry."

His breath tickled her face. "It's okay. We'll just pretend it never happened."

She nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat. If only she could really forget. She struggled to her feet first and somehow helped him to get up. She doubted she'd ever be able to wash the image of Zuko wincing from her mind. It would stay burned there for eternity. How they managed to get off the ship she'd never know. All she did remember that by the time they got to the shore she was spent and Zuko was more unconscious than anything else, unable to quite catch his breath as his surely broken ribs inhibited his breathing.

And then, a miracle. A miracle in the form of a great, fluffy flying bison. Appa lifted them onto him as gently as he could and Katara kissed every inch of his fur that she could reach, eternally grateful and in awe of how he managed to find them. Her fingers wound loosely around Zuko's- an assurance that he was still there and still okay. As she drifted to sleep atop the flying bison she decided that she wanted more people to be just like Zuko. Because that would make them good people, as she'd realized. Yeah, he had faults. But she did too.

The last thoughts she had before falling asleep differed quite a lot. The first thought was that she would heal him first when she woke up. The second was that, when they were both safely back with the gaang and she'd had a little time to sort thorough her feelings on Yon Rha and the Southern Raiders, she would tell Zuko that she was ready to forgive him.


	10. All I Want For Christmas Is You

**AN:** Merry Christmas, everybody! I know this is very lame and pretty predictable and the bad sort of fluffy but I had to give you all a Christmas gift and work only allowed my muse to do _this_. It's the thought that counts?

Anyway I hope you all have a great festive season and I wish you all the best for the new year. Korra is soon, guys! And the next volume of the comics! Expect more Zutara from me – I can't promise I'll improve, though :P

This one is, as the title suggests, based on the song 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'. It's been redone by at least four people/groups so pick your favourite and think of that version as you read. And no comments about the way it's only very, very, very loosely based on the song – I was too lazy to make this a story on its own. *giggles evilly*

Once again, have a very Zutara Christmas! ;) And thank you all so very, very much for all the love and support I've received from you guys over the past year. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

**Disclaimer**: Avatar, its characters and the song are not mine. I just borrowed, screwed up and returned in a less than satisfactory state before the warranty ran out.

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**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

Surprisingly, it had all been Sokka's idea. As the winter wore on and the world entered into the half-hibernation stage that accompanied each year's snow, the Gaang was allowed a brief respite from politics, peacekeeping and life in general. Naturally this respite was used as an excuse to plan a Gaang vacation, despite the general knowledge that the six of them would be ready to murder each other when the whole thing was done. The letters that had been sent dutifully throughout the three years since the war had ended now increased in number and excitement as the planning took a life of its own. Finally it was decided that they would all commune in the Western Air Temple because the Fire Nation did not get snow, it was a sentimental place and its position would allow Zuko to go home and save his nation should any problems arise.

It was on the third day of this vacation during an argument between Toph and Katara about what the Earthbender should and should not be allowed to do that Sokka got his 'brainwave'. He realized (or so he said) that none of them had ever really celebrated anybody's birthday, firstly because of the war and after that because the rest of the world and their own affairs kept them busy throughout the year. Sokka's solution was to make a 'shared birthday' during that winter month; a day where all of them feasted, danced, partied and gave each other gifts.

It was Suki who pointed out that buying all five other people birthday gifts would not only be expensive but very impractical seeing as they were currently in the middle of nowhere and thus had to travel to the nearest town to do shopping. It was Katara who came up with the solution: since there was an even number of people each person would draw a name out of a bag and then get a gift for that person. It was Aang who suggested that it all be a surprise – that nobody would know who was buying for whom. And so an old flyer was torn up and names were hastily scribbled on the torn pieces and shoved into Sokka's bag. And then, one by one, each member of the Gaang went up and picked a name. Their reactions varied: some grinned slyly, some airpunched excitedly and others picked the piece of paper, stared at it blankly and then gave it to Aang to read. (the Avatar was sworn to secrecy.)

Zuko was, naturally, the last one to pick a name. The entire time the others had been picking and carrying on the Firelord had been silently praying to the spirits. It wasn't an elaborate prayer – it consisted of only three words that were chanted over and over as he got more and more anxious. _Please, not Katara. Please, not Katara. Please, not Katara_. He would happily find a gift for any of the others as long as he wasn't expected to get one for the Waterbender. If he was being very honest he had to admit he was hoping for Sokka – he knew where to buy dried meat the warrior would love.

It was this 'positive expectation' state of mind – something his uncle had tried to teach him over the past years – that Zuko employed as he stepped up to the sack. He was going to get Sokka. Everything would be great and easy and wonderful. He was going to get Sokka. There went his hand. It was reaching down. One slip of parchment left. It would have Sokka's name on it. Here it came. He was reading it. It said…

It said Katara.

Agni damn it all.

The Firebender kept his expression stoic even as his heart and stomach plummeted and his brain started up an accusing roar at the very unfair and obviously vindictive spirits. The _one _person he _couldn't _buy for and he'd selected her. Just perfect. It wasn't as if he didn't _want _to buy her a gift – actually, the complete opposite was true. The big problem lay in the fact that he had no idea what to get her. Had it been a year ago he would have gotten her some Fire Nation perfume and left it at that, content that the gift would be used or given away and their friendship would not suffer because of it. But it was not a year ago. And Bumi's 115th birthday party had changed a lot since a year ago.

Now, because of that party and those letters and that night of talking and that _wine_, he was in a position where he'd rather face Azula again than get Katara a gift. Because now he had to make sure that her gift was absolutely perfect. Not okay, not simply useful, not just pretty. Perfect. It was an irrational thing, but one he knew for certain he would not be able to get rid of – no matter how much he wanted to let himself settle for a mediocre gift his emotions (those Agni damned things) would never let him. Zuko was not always in tune with how to behave, especially around girls, but he was smart enough to know that being in love made everything not make sense anymore.

Not that he was in love with Katara. It had been a few personal-ish letters. And one night of talking face-to-face about things they'd both never told anybody else. And one kiss. Two kisses. Three at the very most. And some more letters in the months that followed. But she hadn't mentioned anything about the night in those letters so he was totally correct in assuming she didn't want to speak about it. And, alright, the feelings that had cropped up on Bumi's birthday had kinda grown during the months apart instead of faded. But that didn't mean he was in love with her. Not at all.

(He was so screwed and he knew it.)

It had been decided – by somebody or other – that they would take five days to think about possible gifts before flying to the nearest big town to do the actual shopping. Zuko spent these five days doing what he'd been doing since Bumi's birthday (namely avoiding Katara and staying out of her way as she avoided him) and also attempting to wrack his apparently dead brain for gift ideas. When, by the second day, he was still coming up with nothing but an empty whistling noise behind his ears he decided to take desperate measures. Borrowing Hawky from Sokka was a tedious exercise that took far too much time and wheedling for Zuko's liking. But it proved to be worth the experience as the Dragonhawk returned the very next day with Iroh's reply. (Sokka boasted for a full week after that about his Hawk's capabilities).

The first half of Iroh's reply was full of his gloating about how he'd known 'right from the start' that Katara would one day steal his heart. The second half of his letter was full of warnings and cryptic comments about the Ways of a Woman – something the old general treated like a thesis of some kind. Finally, in the closing line of the four scrolls that Zuko swore to burn as soon as possible, Iroh gave some advice on what to get her. _Write her a poem, nephew_, his uncle's hand suggested.

Zuko was sceptic about it all but after much self-deliberation – mostly done in a sparring match with Sokka – he conceded that his uncle had an uncanny way with the ladies and should therefore be trusted in such situations. The decision, however, proved to be much easier than the actual doing. The Firebender spent the entire evening and the best part of the next morning staring down at a blank scroll while he chewed, tapped, doodled with, spun and half-snapped his pen and all he got from his efforts were three ink stains. Finally, when noon of the next day rolled around, inspiration (or something like it) struck and he began to write. After twenty tedious minutes he decided to glance back and read what he'd written so far so he could edit on the go.

_The Fire Nation is red_

_The Water Tribe is blue_

_Your birthday has passed like Bumi's did_

_But I still really want you_

_Together we'll make purple_

_I mean our colours will at least_

_And if you come to my house_

_I'll prepare you a feast_

_Katara, this is stupid_

_Could we at least talk?_

_I really want to make you mine_

_Even though you're annoying and make me want to scream and accuse me when it's not my fault and make me stomp instead of walk._

The Firelord read it through twice and then burned it all. There was no way this was going to work. At all. His uncle was insane. Feeling frustrated and rather put-off, he then decided to go to the next person on his list. Sokka was, after all, her brother. The trip quickly proved to be a waste of time: Sokka's suggestions ranged from Fireflakes to something called Sea Prunes which sounded Water Tribe-ish but weren't nearly good enough. When probed what else could be given as a better gift he was met by a blank stare and a shocked reply that _nothing _was better than food. Suki, who had been sitting quietly amused throughout the exchange, chose to save Zuko and speak up.

"All three of us girls are warriors, but that doesn't mean we aren't girls," she told Zuko gently, smiling as he shifted and proved her guess that he was shopping for a girl correct. "Some Fire Nation jewellery will be wonderful – even Toph would like that."

He'd been relieved – and a little smug that it really hadn't been that hard after all – when Sokka decided to burst his bubble.

"Well, actually… Katara wouldn't wear anything. Maybe an armband or some Fire Nation hair loopies but those aren't really all that great, you know? More like a self-present than a gift for somebody else. All the Fire Nation really have are earrings and necklaces. Katara doesn't have holes in her ears and she'll never willingly replace Mom's necklace."

Zuko could have throttled him. In less than a minute the oaf had succeeded in shattering all his hopes and the sight of his victory, leaving him once again frustrated, starting to panic, and completely blank. Trying not to take his anger out on Sokka and Suki – it wasn't their fault, after all - the Firelord sulked around for a bit before going to Toph. She'd never let him forget it if she found out _why _he was asking for her help but at that point he was rather desperate and he didn't really care.

At first, it seemed as though he'd made a good choice.

"Sweetness is a warrior, Sparky," Toph told him as she picked her toenails.

"But I'm not buying for Ka-"

"Sure you aren't. And I'm a flying hogmonkey," she replied in a voice dripping with superiority and sarcasm. "As I was _saying_: Sweetness is a warrior. Everybody tends to forget that when there aren't battles going on. And I know she hates that – she feels as though her skills aren't being taken seriously. So cosy up to her – get her some weapons."

In relieved eagerness the Firelord began to question the Earthbender, soaking in all the information Toph gave even when it sounded a little fishy. It was only when the Blind Bandit started talking about the length of swords in a voice that was loaded with suggestiveness and accompanied by a smirk so evil it could rival Ozai's that Zuko caught on to the innuendos she'd been using the entire conversation. Angry, a little embarrassed and frustrated out of his mind Zuko stormed away after yelling at her and finally causing her to break down into peals of laughter.

The day they'd set out for shopping finally dawned and Zuko had nothing except a list of things _not _to get Katara. As everybody slowly started to get ready for the day Zuko paced and fidgeted and fought with his pride. Finally he had no choice but to swallow it – Aang had, after all, dated her for two years. The Avatar was bound to know what gifts she liked. He found Aang meditating and feigned an interest to join in. After too much time wasted the silent period was over and Zuko casually brought in gift ideas. Aang, it seemed, already knew exactly what he was getting his giftee and this made Zuko both desperate and hopeful at the same time. The hopeful part was dashed as he asked for ideas and got a typically Aang reply in response.

"It's not the gift that matters, Zuko. All objects are just things – they are earthly ties that eventually mean nothing to you when your spirit passes on. It's the thought that counts. Just get whomever it is something very thoughtful and something from your heart and they'll love it."

This, while astoundingly wise, helped Zuko even less than everybody else's advice. He was thus in a terrible mood as they flew to their shopping destination, sitting right at the back of Appa's saddle and glaring at the passing clouds as though they were the reason he had no idea what to get Katara. Any small, flickering hope that he'd see something at the market and 'just know' that it was perfect was diminished as the hours slipped on and all he passed was junk. Finally, five minutes before everybody else was set to leave, Zuko bought a huge packet of Fireflakes and an ornamental flower that, at a squint, could be passed off as blue. It wasn't even close to adequate, let alone perfect, but Zuko was so fed-up and so frustrated that he convinced himself he didn't care anymore. It was, after all, just a stupid gift.

His mood did not improve as the next day was born. Throughout the night he had fumed and grumbled and worried about his gift, his temper souring even more as he realized she might have gotten Aang as her giftee. What if she still had feelings for the Avatar and expressed them in an elaborate gift in front of everybody? Half-baked dreams of Aang and Katara kissing each other wildly around random corners haunted his dreams and his sleep deprivation coupled with his rather pathetic gift made the day promise to be terrible.

However, for once in his life Zuko's pessimism was proved wrong.

After breakfast it was decided that nobody could wait for their gifts any longer and the exchange happened. It was revealed that Toph had been the one to draw Zuko's name from the sack. The little Earthbender, blushing slightly, handing him his gift with a sniff and a badly put-on air of indifference.

"To make sure the Fire Nation keeps its ruler," she explained in a mumble, scuffing her toes against the tiles.

She'd Metalbended him a knife – sharp as any store-crafted blade and with an amazing grip. It was, however, a dusty black thus making sure it wouldn't shine in light and give him away while he hid. The blade also retracted – how she'd gotten that right he'd never know – so that he could fit it easily in a pocket. It was, he had to admit, an amazing gift.

"I thought you said women liked long swords," he questioned her with a smirk.

Knowing he was joking she smirked right back. "I was speaking about Sweetness. Sparky, I'd much rather make out with Bosco than kiss you, let alone measure your sword."

His hug was fleeting and more than just a little awkward but it made him feel slightly less cold inside and it made Toph smile in a soft way that made her look adorable. The moment was made even sweeter when he realized that Sokka was enthusiastically thanking Katara for his new boomerang – Aang had been chosen by Suki, it seemed. The Firelord felt relief flood him and he actually grinned.

The lightness disappeared when he realized he had to give Katara her gift. Dreading every step he marched up to her sulkily and unwillingly handed over the package. Then he crossed his arms and glared at her, mentally daring her to insult his present. Unnoticed by both the sulking Zuko and the curious Katara, Toph shooed everybody else forcefully out the room. The Waterbender's face showed surprise as she saw the gift, her fingers hesitantly stroking the not-blue blue flower. Suddenly a smile twitched at her lips.

"You didn't perhaps ask Sokka for gift advice, did you?"

Her tone was light and teasing with no apparent disapproval at all. But for Zuko that one barb was enough to finally lift the lid on his temper. His arms dropped to his sides, fists clenched and nostrils flaring as his anger welled up inside of him like an inferno.

"Do you have _any _idea how difficult it is to get you something?" he yelled at her, eyes spitting accusations as though it was entirely her fault. Katara's eyes widened in surprise. "You and your… your… no jewellery-wearing tendencies! What woman doesn't wear jewellery?"

"Whoa just - " Katara started to snap angrily, but Zuko was already in full-scale erupt mode and he didn't even register her speaking.

"And then Toph went on and on with those blasted innuendos. I couldn't get you swords after that! And Aang was useless. 'It's the thought that counts' my ass." Katara's eyebrows were steadily rising higher and higher as Zuko ranted. "So I finally take the one slightly good piece of advice that I got – uncle is _useless _when it comes to actually getting a girl! – and you decide to mock me about it."

"I wasn't- "

"So I really don't know, Katara. Everybody says _I'm_ the unemotional one. But really you're just as bad when it comes down to it."

"Excu-!"

"You write all those letters and make me think all those things and… and Bumi's party and then…" He dug his hands through his hair in utter frustration, finally looking at her in the eyes. "What do you _want, _Katara?" Finally realizing that he'd probably said too much, a blush tainted his unmarked cheek and he amended, "As a present. What did you actually want as a gift?"

The Waterbender opened her mouth, seemed to think better of it and closed it again. Somehow, Zuko could not make himself break her gaze. He'd forgotten how deep her eyes could really go, how the colour changed subtly with her mood, how the corners crinkled ever so slightly when she laughed. Red suddenly stained her cheeks and he was surprised as well as curious – why was she blushing? Katara looked away from him and to the bag of Fireflakes in her hand.

"You wanna know what I want?" she asked quietly. "Even if I probably can't have it?"

He swallowed loudly. "Yes." The curiosity would haunt him eternally if he didn't ask.

Suddenly she was moving forward, her red-tinted skin coming closer and closer until it was right before his face, mere inches from his touch. Then she stood on her toes and her lips were on his again – soft, sweet and entirely too irresistible to be allowed. She broke away far too quickly for his liking, blushing furiously now as she backed away.

"You," she told him quietly. "I just want you."

He'd honestly forgotten what the question was. He licked his lips nervously and managed to croak out, "That could be arranged."

Her answering beam was the most amazing sight in the world. And, once again, Zuko of the Fire Nation knew exactly what he wanted and that he'd go to any lengths to get it.


	11. Twisted

**AN: **I'm not happy with this one; I really feel I could have done so much better. After working on it for a week straight, however, I was finally forced to concede defeat. I think perhaps it's because my writing has become even worse this year (yeah, that's actually possible, it seems) and because this song is just so great on its own and so Zutara that it was difficult to write anything that could match it.

Despite that, this is a birthday present for the wonderful LitaTheStoryteller, who really has just been there since the very beginning. Happy birthday, dearest. Hope this is okay =]

Do yourselves a favour and listen to this song sometime. I heard it once and I fell in love with it. To clear up confusion: The fic is written from Katara's POV and the lyrics are Zuko's POV of the same situation. Because I can't write consistently in Zuko's voice. Gah.

**Warnings: **Bad plotline, confusing format, probable typos because I changed so much so often and this is very, very probably AU with hints of spoilers for The Promise books.

**Disclaimer: **Avatar: The Last Airbender belongs to Bryke and Nickelodeon.

This fic belongs to Lita.

_Twisted_ belongs to CrashCarBurn.

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**Twisted **

Katara had grown up in a place where the stars bejeweled the sky so spectacularly that no other light was needed when walking at night. Somehow the stars in all the other places in the world – even in the North Pole – never quite compared with the millions of sparkling gems that had watched over her while she was growing up. That night, however, the sky was clear enough for the stars above her to almost compete with those back home.

The night was cold but the light and the stillness and the beauty outweighed the chill and pulled her feet along the shore for a walk that lasted minutes and hours all at once. The Waterbender lost sense of time and space as she walked, head tilted skywards, captivated by the heavens. As the time wore on the clarity of the sky was interrupted by clouds that started off small and wispy but grew in size and frequency the longer she walked. It almost felt as though she were walking straight into a storm. She didn't stop.

Her feet led her to the start of a cliff and, obediently, she climbed to the top. Her journey brought her to rolls of green grass that seemed frozen in the frigid air and a view of the vast, inky ocean that stretched endlessly around the world. The sight and smell of the sea pulled her forward, lulling the problems that life had thrown at her to sleep. She was almost at the edge of the cliff before she noticed she was not as alone as she thought.

Movement to her right caught the corner of her eye and her gaze snapped around instantly, scanning the rockier edge of the cliff quickly. Her eyes fell on a familiar figure draped in familiar red and she felt more at ease and more tense all at once. Zuko's back was turned to her but she could still discern his movements: every bit of him was still except for his right hand which was methodically rubbing a circle on his torso. Katara's heart twisted at the sight; she'd healed the exact spot he was kneading enough times to know instantly why it was hurting him. Memories of sheer panic bathed in blue light tugged at the corners of her mind, finally forcing her feet forward despite lingering misgivings.

He heard her approaching and he whipped around, hands ready to bend and eyes blazing fire. She faltered for a second but then pressed on, meeting his gaze even as her heart began to pound unnaturally fast. Zuko said nothing, but his gaze – sharpened by the dark circles that ringed his eyes – did not soften. Yearning for something to break the tension with, Katara opened her mouth to tease him but was forced to swallow her words when he broke the silence instead.

"Whatever he's sent you here to say, I don't want to hear it."

Her insides clenched. "I'm not here because Aang sent me, Zuko. I'm on your side about the Harmony Restoration Movement now that I've seen…I'm here because I… I want to be."

_It was a cold night out at the west cliff  
No there was nothing but the sound of air between us  
_

Still his gaze did not soften and she almost longed to catch one of the brilliant stars in the skies in the hope that its light would melt the gold stone back to smoldering fire. Some kind of emotional war was taking place in the Waterbender's gut but Katara blotted it out, swallowed the words she wanted to babble to chase away the awkward silence and kept her eyes firmly fixed on his. The clouds rolled around them as they stood and stared and at that hight Katara could feel the wind that moved them across her starry sky. The breeze whipped around her hair and still she stared, trying to read Zuko's eyes as he tried to read hers. Katara suddenly realized how ironic it was that the only sound between the two of them right then was air.

_I smelled the rain come, fall around us_

Zuko was the first one to break the stare, lifting his eyes to the heavens and seemingly waiting for something. Confused, she followed his lead and for the first time became aware of the smell that the wind carried. It was going to rain. Sure enough, the clouds opened up above them and Katara's element bathed their faces and bodies in soothing streaks. Zuko stayed with his face turned upwards longer than she did, and she contented herself with watching him soak up the rain, looking as though he was desperately seeking cleansing and solace from the weather.

Katara tried to call him, but no sound escaped her lips. The silence, it seemed, was too heavy to break. A while later he opened his eyes and looked back at her, robes sodden and expression defeated. At the look she started forward instinctively, throat working and mouth dry with the inadequacy of her words. The Waterbender jerked to a stop a few inches from the Firelord but did not break his gaze. Slowly she reached out and gripped both his shoulders, wondering as she did so if she was trying to comfort him or steady herself. He was warm, as always, and his heat seemed even more powerful against the chill of the night. Zuko shifted his shoulders and her fingers curled over the muscles as though she was trying to catch even a minuscule drop of the essence that was him. Beneath her fingers she felt his heartbeat quicken and her hands relaxed before sliding down slightly to rest on his chest.

_We stand in silence but our bodies scream it louder than lust_

The Master Waterbender was no longer a child. She had seen and experienced many things during the war and since its end. Even though she kept it secret from her friends and family, one of those experiences had been lust. She'd felt it burning in her gut and twisting along in her veins, tasted it at the back of her throat and itched with it to the tips of her fingers. The feeling that was pumping through her being on the top of that cliff was not simply lust. Lust simply did not feel that complete or all-consuming. Zuko's breath shuddered and he made a half-movement toward her, his body language screaming out the message hers wanted to receive and act on. Once more Katara's fingers curled into the material of his robe and this time she used her hold to pull him closer. Zuko's head sank to her shoulder and rested there, defeated and worn out. Her face buried itself into the crook of his neck and she allowed herself to feel the despair and frustration she'd set out to try and walk off. The rain continued to crash down on them and the water seemed to make the burden heavier and heavier until Zuko was the only thing keeping her upright.

_Now I'm tryna just figure out what you are…  
A shining light in the dark  
_

"What do I do?" His warm breath tickled her neck. "I probably shouldn't put this on you but… You've always been there to…"

She opened her eyes and tried not to stiffen and thus stop his thoughts. "What, Zuko?"

_One more night is all I need from you to change your mind  
There's something turning in the air tonight_

He continued to breathe against her. She shut her eyes again and reminded herself that it was hard for him to show weakness; hard for him to open up. Rainwater trickled down her neck and made her shiver. Zuko tensed beneath her and then, suddenly, gripped her tightly.

"You're like light, Katara." His voice was soft. "You just… make everything right. You can chase away nightmares and kiss wounds that don't physically exist better and-"

The Firelord broke off as she moved away from him, standing back so that they were once again facing each other. She dropped her hands and they were no longer touching. Her heart felt like it was about to beat right out of her chest.

"I can kiss it better," she repeated, trying to sound accusing at his choice of words but just succeeding in sounding young and lost.

Zuko flinched slightly but then lifted his head stubbornly. "You can," he agreed, eyes locking onto hers once more. "Just because we don't speak about it doesn't mean that night-"

She shook her head wildly, spraying water everywhere. There was the strongest urge in her to cover her ears. "Don't. Don't."

"Katara…"

There was a bite of frustration there she knew all too well. And she didn't want it. "Don't. I'm not… You can't…" _I've made up my mind_, she wanted to tell him, but the words would not come. They were not strong enough to leave her lips, weren't strong enough to swim upstream in the river of her doubts, weren't strong enough to hurt him.

"Katara. I…You…"

Despite herself, she looked up at him and watched his throat bob and his mouth open for words.

_I try to show you but the words get twisted, get twisted_

Nothing came out. The Waterbender could almost see the sounds and syllables twist together to form an incoherent mess at the back of his throat. A large part of her was happy his tongue twisted; she didn't want to think about what he could say to her and the effect his words would have. Frustrated, Zuko looked away, his hands curling into fists. Once more, silence reigned only this time the charge between them had died. The rain was still falling steadily and Katara longed to give into pure instinct and throw her hands to the sky in the traditional rain dance Gran-Gran had taught her.

Blue eyes flickered up to the scarred face she could trace on the back of her eyelids at any given moment. After a while he sensed her look and met her eyes reluctantly, eyes wearier now. It hurt that she was the one building walls instead of tearing them down. But what more could she expect, really, when her guard was so far up she refused to even acknowledge that they'd….

"We never got to dance. At the celebration. I danced with everybody except you."

"Only peasants dance in the rain." The reply seemed wooden and automatic, like a drilled-in order.

"Did your… Did Ozai say that?"

A beat of silence. "Azula. She hated dancing. It wasn't controlled enough for her."

Katara held out both her hands, one toward his shoulder and one level with his chest. "Zuko."

Gold eyes flickered from her face to her hands and back. "You sure?"

_No_. _No I'm not. I don't want to be that close to you. I don't want… _She shut her eyes and chipped away at the walls surrounding her heart. "Yes."

_We'll brave a slow dance  
You'll drop your guard at last_

Hesitantly the fingers of his right hand met the fingers of her left and they curled around each other effortlessly, as though they were meant to mesh together. His other hand landed on her waist but it did not pull her in closer. Another beat of stillness followed before Zuko began to move, leading them in a slow, lazy circle that was slightly clumsy due to the distance between their bodies. Katara tried not to look at him but he was like a magnet that drew her in and soon she was looking at his eyes again and unable to pull away. Suddenly the pretence became too much to handle and she moved in closer, pressing her body to his and letting go of his shoulder so she could curl that hand around his neck. The position was familiar and his heat set her body on fire.

_And now we're fighting for the air between our faces and hands_

For a long moment, she was scared Zuko would reject her. The Firelord's head snapped backwards and his body went rigid in a reaction of shock that was hidden by the same egocentric front that had been around when she'd first met him. Even as her heart sank Zuko melted from the prince with the ponytail to the friend who had absorbed lightning for her. The Firebender leaned his forehead against hers and she got the faintest sensation of his scar touching her skin. As with the first time, its touch did not repel her. Instead it made her lift her face higher so that her nose was resting against his and their lips were mere millimetres apart. His hand gripped hers tighter. Her response was to let go of his neck and grip the hand that rested on her hip almost possessively. Zuko inhaled shakily through his mouth and it was almost the cause of her undoing. Katara gasped for air too, moving closer and then jerking back as she sucked in oxygen and felt Zuko's grip on both her hands become almost painful in its intensity.

All at once the battle for air ended. Katara snapped her head to the side and pushed away from him, shaking her head and wrapping her arms around herself protectively as she backed away. The Waterbender's eyes were closed so she didn't have to see the look on his face. "This can't happen." She was telling herself that as much as she was telling him.

_Don't say it can't be  
How can you not stay?_

"So that's it." Immediately she bristled at his rage, even though she had no right to be angry that he was angry. "You're going to do this again."

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and once again shook her head, willing the whole situation to just disappear. "Don't say it like that."

"Just tell me how. How can you just… walk away and pretend?"

Blue eyes snapped open then narrowed. "How can you even ask me that? You _know_ why. I _love _him. I want him to be… To be…" This time, it was her words getting twisted. That was the problem; she could never explain this whole situation, even to herself.

"Right. And you just want me dead."

Ice clawed through her insides at the thought. "Don't you _dare _say it like that."

"I'm opposing the Movement, Katara. I declared war to openly oppose the Movement. Aang promised to kill me if I did something like this. And you-"

"Made him agree to kill you because you _begged _me to! You _begged _me to do whatever it took to make him agree to _murder_ you! That was _all _your doing so don't you _dare _pin any of it on me!"

Anger and despair and hurt and helplessness all welled up in her and for one of the first times ever she could not see a way out. Rage was the easiest emotion to deal with and so she clutched onto it, letting it wash over her completely and make her begin to rant.

_You move like water and I'm drowning in the waves that you make_

Katara had no idea what she was saying, only that words and accusations and guilt-created excuses all poured from her tongue and echoed in the clouds, being soaked by rain and cold air and helplessness that welled up from deep inside her. Her tirade went uncontested and it was a long while before the tears came and made it impossible to speak. It was then she noticed that Zuko was watching her with the most peculiar look in his eyes. It was as though she was doing some hypnotic dance designed to lure men in, as though every move was sensual and not born from sheer desperation and emotion. His gaze sent bugs swooping in her stomach and she forgot how to be angry at him.

"Why didn't you argue back?"

He shook his head at her, seemingly snapping out of a reverie. She did not catch what he muttered but later, when her mind plagued her with the events of that night, she was sure he'd said, "Because you were drowning me."

_While you're trying so hard to find your heart  
I know you're scared  
But throw that fear to the dark_

Once more she shook her head, trying to deny the existence of the moment or her feelings or something else altogether. She wasn't sure which; she wasn't sure of anything anymore. "Zuko, I… I just… Aang…" Warm confessions of her love and adoration for the Avatar leapt to her lips. They all turned cold and died as soon as she caught his gaze again and felt her heart warm for him, too. "I don't know…"

Finally, the three words she'd been refusing to say were out in the open. She repeated them twice more, wishing for some solution to fall down with the rain as a reward for her honesty.

"Katara. Stop!" She obeyed him, shivering in silence before him. "Just… just look. Stop trying to hide from it and just… Just…"

He did not have his uncle's way with words. And yet, somehow, she still understood him so much better.

_One more night is all I need from you to change your mind  
There's something turning in the air tonight  
I try to show you but the words get twisted, get twisted_

"What are we doing?" she asked him in a whisper.

She needed a straight answer; needed to be told where to go and what to do. Something was shifting around her and in her and it was scaring her so badly she just wanted to run. Katara didn't have a clue what her heart was telling her to do in that situation and she was floundering in dark waters all alone.

"Just… Listen to… Remember… I don't…" When he needed them the most, Zuko's words failed him.

_We're falling faster straight towards the knife  
Can you hear me call you out?_

"There's a sword hanging above this even though 'this' doesn't even technically exist." She spoke the revelation as it came to her.

"That's bullshit!" he snapped hotly, knowing it was a lie even as it passed his lips.

Katara just looked at him sadly, feeling her tears mix with the dripping rain once more. "We're fighting for the Cow-Chicken that's heading towards the slaughter, Zuko," she wept quietly. "You and I both know it. The more we fall for each other, the faster we fall towards…"

"You're giving up before you even start! Stop it! I refuse-!"

"No, Zuko, you stop. Stop! _Stop_! Stop making this harder by calling me out on my pretences!" The anger was back, evaporating her tears and making her hate the Fire Nation man that stood glaring at her. "We both have our destinies and you _know_ it. Nothing else can happen! Nothing else will _ever _happen!"

_Dream brighter darling  
Don't let it die_

Zuko swore at her then, the dirtiest words he'd ever used in her presence in his life. His anger seemed to become a physical thing and for the slightest of moments she was scared of him. "You used to be the naïve fourteen-year-old who dreamed that a kid could save the world from the Firelord. And now… what? What, Katara?" He looked like he wanted to shake her and she stepped backwards. "Now you've limited yourself to dreaming about a destiny you think is planned out for you? That's not dreaming. That's _settling_. You're turning _weak_."

Rage sparked. "So then what are you dreaming about that you don't sleep anymore, huh? Scared by how much you're like your father when you sleep?"

_Such a long way down_

Katara wanted to take the words back as soon as she'd spoken them but she could not. She saw them carve into his heart and imbed themselves there, sure to cause hurt for a long time to come. And she wouldn't even be around to pick them out of his flesh for him. She couldn't even apologise. Because he'd hurt her just as badly. And because the feelings she felt for him _had _to go away or else…

_And if you can't find something you need then, honey,  
You've gotta let it fall like stone to the bottom_

Zuko shut his eyes and tipped his head back, breathing deeply for a long time while she watched and committed his form to memory and wept. Finally in control of his temper Zuko looked back to her. All she wanted to do was bury herself in his arms.

"Okay, fine. This is it, then, Katara. Time to look deep and ask yourself who you really want. Who can give you what you need the most?"

Immediately her mind shied away from the choice as it had for so long now. But Zuko's eyes were unforgiving and she battled her way into her heart and forced herself to judge. What she uncovered was the fact that she'd known deep down all along. She was not stuck in a void. What she chose would affect the entire world. If she chose wrong, the world would fall back to disaster. To heal a hundred years of war she had to lose a battle her heart had been fighting. To heal scars she had to ignore one she loved because of what it represented to her and one that was supposed to be hers.

"If you can truly say it's not me then…"

Her heart broke, and there were no tears strong enough for that moment.

_If you can't find all that you need then let me fall_

Unable to breathe, being drowned by the rain that was slowly letting up, Katara met his eyes and let him see for himself what she had chosen. Gold fire turned once more to hard stone and she knew she'd never fully see what she'd done to him and his heart at that moment. It would be her guilt to bear. Without anything more to say, the Waterbender turned around and began to stumble back to civilisation, feeling utterly numb and spent. Halfway down the cliff the bit of her she'd killed that night gave a dying request she could not deny.

"Zuko?" The rain made it difficult for her to see if he was looking at her. She plunged on anyway. "I love you."

There was silence and darkness. Then, "Katara, I…"

When the hesitation stretched on for a full minute, Katara turned once more and walked back to Aang.

_but the words get twisted, get twisted_

* * *

**AN 2: **Yeah, sorry about the whole very AU twist on the 'Aang promising to kill Zuko' thing. I just cannot get over how Mr 'I'll do anything not to kill the evil Firelord Ozai' suddenly turns into Mr 'Sure I'll murder one of my best friends no problem' with Katara starring as Ms 'I agree kill Zuko who saved me and is my friend now' by his side. I can get over everything else except that.


End file.
